life advice (post new situation)
"Only Risk In Bondage, Is Breaking Free"
My older sister who was once my Best friend and Godmother to my Son had removed herself from the family 15 yrs. ago.
She became involved with a Racist African American man who she was involved with and met in her drug treatment program. They lived together for a short period before she was admitted to the E.R with bruises and a bump to the head that had to be monitored 24yrs. The police were called and the bf taken to jail. Shortly after his release from jail I recieved a phone call from sister. In her words, "It's for the best that her and I don't communicate as much."
The line of communication has always been open, she just made the choice to not use it. Although she seemed to have no problem using it when she needed money and when her 17 yr. relationship with this man ended unexpectedly with his death.
We, as a family went to comfort a long lost, very much loved and missed Sister,Daughter, and Aunt/godmother.
Come to find out, she has been physically and mentally abused and can longer think for herself. I have to tell her when to eat, sleep, shower...the list goes on! She has nerve damage and has recently been diagnosed Bi-Polar, is heavily medicated.
I don't doubt she loved this man, she had to!
After being with her for a few days I realized she was not at all the person I remembered. I went to speak to the people that lived close to her and was told she was "Brainwashed" and beaten down the scars she tries to hide are from the butt of a gun! My sister denies this from ever happening. Here is my Question...
How do I help her to grieve this loss. It has been a little over a month, with me. She fell apart at the hospital when he died and was almost admitted because she couldnt calm down. He was her everything. she has now attached herself to me in a submissive unhealthy childlike way. I am dealing with my own problems, as we all are. She still has not delt with his death and I don't see any progress in her ability to grasp what has happened. Will she ever be free from the pain and how do I help her?
posted by Kristine (age 38) on 8/15/2009 @11:12:06 AM •
It is hard to say if she will ever be free from the pain, not knowing the extent of her diagnoses.

I think you should seek NEW psychiatric services for your sister. A family psychotherapist may also be of help for both of you. You say she is "heavily medicated", maybe she needs a better psychiatrist or maybe you could attend the next appointment and express your concerns to the doctor. Your sister may not have been telling the full extent of her problems or just doesn't recognize the downward spiral that she is stuck in.

Or try your local MHMRA for services and programs geared for those with mental disorders for her future needs. There is no cure for Bipolar Disorder and what will happen to your sister as you both get older? The disorder can be managed with therapy and medications.

I wish you well.
posted by tricia (age 38) on 8/19/2009

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