relationship advice (post new situation)
I dated a man for 5 years. He took a job out of town about 10 months ago. In june, a woman called from this town to tell me that they had been dating approximately 2-3 months. I of course confront my boyfriend he vehemently denied it until he was at a point where it was just too obvious to continue to deny. several days later, the woman cls me back to tell me that she had cld another number from his cell phone and it belong to another woman. Turns out this 2nd woman lived in my town and stated that she had been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 11 years. I of course confront my boyfriend about this additional information. His response to woman #1 was that it didn't mean anything, he had just told the woman that he could not continue the relationship because he loved me. Woman #2 was a relationship of convenience to which it was no longer a romantic relationship and that he was still there because he had created bills and wanted to meet his obligations. I made the decision to end the relationship and cut off conversation with my exboyfriend. In response to no contact, he called repeatedly, left scary voicemails threatening to harm himself, harm anyone else he may see me with, faked a suicide and broke into my house to try and get my new phone number.
I of course brought my family, dad, mom sisters etc b/c i never experience this type of response from someone that I've broken up with. it was very unnerving. So it's 4 months later, things have calmed down and he has never really stopped calling but I decided after he broke into my house that I would talk with him because I didn't think he would ever just give up and I wanted to try and keep him calm. He has never threatened to harm me or my family and simply stated that the only reason he did the things he did was to get me to talk to him. So now, I stated that I would take his calls, try to be a grown up and talk through everything that's happened. He has definitely calmed down and he is back to the man that I new and fell in love with before all of this started. He of course is incredibly remorseful about his behavior and what to try to work things out. My issue is that because of his behavior I brought all of my family into the situation and don't know how to say to my family that I'm considering forgiving him and giving him another try without losing face.
posted by Confused on 8/22/2009 @1:09:57 PM •
I wouldn't be worried about "loosing face"; I'd be more concerned about his UNACCEPTABLE behavior.To love someone is total trust, loyalty and fidelity. From what you wrote, you don't have any of those traits with him. Think twice or more before you jump back into the fire.
If I were in your shoes, I'd leave well enough alone.
You got it backwards! Consider letting a sleeping dog- alone.
posted by Lu on 8/25/2009

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