relationship advice (post new situation)
My husband says he love me and wants to be with me forever. But the last 2 years seems like we are drifting a part. I have told him i would like to have date night once a month. To have time away from are 3 kids. But seems he would rather go out with his friends and get drunk then i sometimes i have to go get him. He doesn't go out alot but i never get to do anything without the kids and we never doing anything just the two of us. When i talk to him about it he has told me he is going to live his life and not live in a cave like i want to. I don't want to live like that. But we don't have alot of money to do alot and i am not a big drinker, i would really like to just spend time going to a movie or supper every once in awhile. I am a bartender so not thrilled to go to the bar. I do tell him alot that we don't really have the money to do things. Sometimes i wonder if he has cheated on my by how distant he is anymore. Use to be i felt like i was the only one he ever saw. So am i wrong to think my marriage is over? Or am i making to much of it? I have told him how i feel. But seems like we always end up in a fight or things will change for about a week then back to the same way. I have to told him to be honest with himself and admit he doesn't love me like he use to and that he is scared to do anything about it. am i wrong about this? We have been married almost 10 years.
posted by Tina (age 36) on 9/17/2009 @1:27:52 PM •
Well, guys have set personalities. And when you get one, and stay with that one for a long time like 10 years, you learn that personality and the habits that go with it. When those behaviors change dramatically like you have described, something is wrong. I can't say with any certainty that your marriage is in jepordy, but it is apparent that with some distance issues like this, that your relationship is definintly going down the wrong road. And no, you're not wrong for thinking about the negative possibilities, but to ease your own heart and mind and to prevent any unnecessary arguements, you should really check things out for yourself. Because honestly, it sounds to me like your husband is missing his sweet 21st birthday, and everything that comes with it.
posted by elisabeth (age 20) on 9/17/2009
you know it's hard to gauge the entire situation without seeing everything... but just this story sounds like maybe he's not listening. i've found that telling people how they make me feel, rather than pointing out what they're doing (or accusing them of something) works much better. "when you leave me for your friends, it makes me feel ____________, and it hurts my feelings." not wanting to go to a bar is definitely not the same thing as wanting to live in a cave... maybe if he could know exactly how awful it feels, he'd make some adjustments.
posted by jon on 9/18/2009

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