family advice (post new situation)
"Feeling betrayed and not sure what to do"
Having problems with family. My sister, who has a terrible history with decisions regarding men, lives in a small apartment with my niece who has two daughters of her own. My sister helps support them as my niece is a single parent. I have tried to help my niece whenever possible, from the time she was young as I felt her mother's bad decisions really made it hard for her. After two pregnacies from different guys, she finally started to get her life together, saving for a house, working full time, etc. My sister and I did not speak for several years, and had finally mended our relationship to the point where we really enjoyed each other's company. I have always done as much as I can for both my sister and my niece and I love her girls to pieces.
Well, we have a vacation house and this guy who lives with his parents (40) lives down the way and started putting the moves on my niece. Based on his parents, I assumed he was an OK person. The next day we got home and I ran a background check on him (told him I would) and found that he has domestic charges as well as fraud charges against him, two kids from two different wives, no job, living on his parents sofa and his own step father has called him a predator. he has a gambling problem and has taken every woman for everthing they have. he saw an easy mark in my niece. I gave her the information the next day and she chose to continue dating him. I refuse to enable the relationship which means no more vacations at my house, no gifts, no support whatsoever as anything I give them will go right into his pocket. Now, I basically feel betrayed that not only would she choose some loser she knew for all of 12 hours over her family who has always been there for her, but as also ruined my vacation home. She now goes up and stays with him on his parents couch. They refuse to stop it and her mother will not do anything. I feel betrayed by both my niece and my sister. How can you watch your daughter make the same mistakes you made. I have done the hard thing and stopped enabling the relationship, but the people who actually CAN affect it choose not to. My sister works extra hours to watch the kids so my niece can drive 7 hours to see this guy? she bailed him out of jail, cosigned him a loan. WHAT???
This has torn my family apart. I have no contact with my niece or her girls, I barely speak to my sister as I can't stand to listen to her talk about how hard she's working and watching the girls, etc, etc. basically enabling her daughter to see this guy where there is no future, he's 7 hours away and can't leave the county for goodness sake.
I can't go to my house and relax as the neighbors come down and do "do you you know...." I tell them I don't want to know, until you (his parents) or my sister stop enabling the relationship there's nothing I can do so don't tell me.

I feel hurt, betrayed and don't know what to do at this point. I've cancelled the holidays and I'm considering selling the vacation house and going somewhere else.
I don't sleep, I'm so sad and upset I really don't know what to do.

posted by S. (age 39) on 12/14/2009 @11:31:01 AM •
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