other advice (post new situation)
"all of that"
My husband and I are pretty bad with finances. Shortly after we were married I had to sell my house to try to pay for debt that was incurred during my first marriage by my first husband. We struggled to repay the debt for a few years but I ended up filing for bankruptcy when my son was born five years ago. Since then we've managed OK. We never seem to have any extra money even though we both do fairly well at our jobs. My husband's family would be considered wealthy by most standards. Though their divorced, his dad is a banking CEO and his mother is now married to a lawyer/congressman. I was not raised in such circumstances and feel as though very little was ever GIVEN to me in life. My gifts were those from God who enabled me to work my way out of my circumstances, and I am truly thankful for them. While my mother-in-law is not showy with her wealth, she has occasionally given my husband generous gifts of money. Several years ago she gave him $5000.00 and most recently she offered to pay off all our credit cards.
While I appreciate the gesture, our credit card debt is less than $10,000.00 and while it is a huge stressor to my husband, it really doesn't bother me that much. We own two homes as we have been unable to sell our last home, we have two fairly high car payments, child care, etc... and quite honestly, the balances on our revolving credit is pretty insignificant in the whole scheme of things. If anything catastrophic were to happen, that 10,000 isn't going to make or break us at this point. Also, while his mother told him that there were no strings attached, she said it would be the last time she ever gives him (us) money.
I am really struggling with whether to be grateful or insulted. As long as I can continue to work I can pay back my own debts. The primary reason I was unable to before was because I had consolidated my ex-husband's, current husband's and my credit-card debt onto a single account totaling 35000.00 and the CC company raised the interest from 5.9 to 29.9%. (Another story) Anway, you can see why 10,000.00 seems pretty insignificant. Where was the assistance when I was selling my house or filing bankruptcy?
Right now we may be treading water but we're doing it successfully, and I'm not sure if I want "help" if it means feeling like I'm being judged if my husband and I go out for dinner, or take a vacation, or whatever.
I don't know how to explain the way I feel to him, and yesterday when he told me about his mother's plan he became very angry when I wasn't ecstatic about it. I really need someone's objective assessment of the situation. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or ungrateful. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
posted by D. (age 33) on 2/7/2010 @12:23:13 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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