relationship advice (post new situation)
I am going through a break-up with my sons father. Our son is 5 yrs old. We had an 8 yr relationship with ups and downs. When we had our son it was by surprise, we moved in together and when our son was just 8 months old we started having problems. He stepped out on me, but i stuck it through and stayed with him. But that wasn't the first time he did it several more times. I moved out for good when our son was 2. We both moved back to our parents, but continued to talk and try to work things out. Before our son turned 3 we moved back in together. Things were good for a couple years then got sour again. I wasn't feeling the attention I needed in our relationship. I wasn't into it anymore and didn't care. He was going out with friends hanging out all night. I was caring for our son working 2 jobs and felt I wasn't given anything in return. He says he felt the same, but he chose not to try and make it work by running around and not coming home. At my 2nd job I met someone and a relationship started with this person. At first it was nothing but gradually it was starting to show at home. I started going out with friends so I could go out with him and felt the need and attention I wasn't getting at home from him. I quit my 2nd job, but continued to find time to see this other person. My b/f told me he was willing to do whatever it took to make things better and give me everything I wanted, but I refused. My sons father and I stayed together, he never found out, but our relationship still sucked. We moved to another house in Oct. 09. That's when things got really bad. I planned a vaction to my sisters for my b/f, son, & I. Two days before the trip my b/f backed out and said he couldn't go because of work. I still went on the trip with my son. When I returned all he wanted to do was talk about his new tattoo he got. Just what I wanted to come home to hear. I found out my b/f was talking to someone else. He told me he was going over on texts because of work. I looked at the phone bill and there was this one number on there repeatedly. I called it and knew who it was. I confronted him and he denied it. I knew something was up. So I continued to keep an eye open. A few weeks later I found a trac phone he had purchased with text between him and this other woman. I was very angry and showed him the phone. He didn't care that I found it. I got my son and left. We moved out and things got terrible. He got a lawyer and tried to get things worked out his way. I got a lawyer for my benefit. I continued to see the guy I had seen before. Never told my ex about it, because now i felt it was none of his business. He begged for me to come back but I didn't want to. I heard rumors he was still with this woman, who by the way is 20yrs older than him and knew about his family. One day I was with the other guy and my ex saw us and went crazy. I still had a few things in the house he threw it out in the driveway. He trid to kill himself. My car got vandalized. It was made to look like it was an ex of the guy I was talking to. But it also looked as if my ex had a part to do with it. He has brought my son around this new woman already and was ready to move in with her. now he is not going to be with her. HE and I had a long talk and he is ready to move on with his life and live outside the box, which is something i tried to get him to do for a long time. I feel very confused at this time and don't know what to do. I don't want my child growing up in a split family. I can't stand to be away from him. At the same time I don't know if I can trust that my ex is truly who he says he's going to be. My ex thinks he needs a vasectomy and is serious about getting one, but if the future brings us back together I want more children. My family hates him, and so many ppl r glad to see us apart. His family does not want us together ever again. It's very hard to deal with this when u know u want the best for ur son. I look at my future and think what will it be like. I want to go back to school. I know my ex will give me the life I want, but is it worth it. The guy I was seeing has goals but his goals r work orriented and I'm ready to settle down with my life start a career and family. I know that's what my ex wants. I am going to start counseling soon, but I want answers and opinions from others. I feel very lost and confused about everything. I need advice
posted by jules on 2/13/2010 @2:49:02 PM •
i feel your pain. it takes time...
and my opinion will always be positive[: but, it's good that you want things right for your son. and honestly, you need to just forget those 2 guys becuz..they're not worth any of the time and effort you put in. you try too keep your son happy and they're just....**** but overall, just keep the son in your parents hands, find a good job/be at school. and find someone special out there who you can have a nice life with and be happy[:<33
posted by Thyda on 2/14/2010

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