relationship advice (post new situation)
"What do I do?"
I've been with Ryan since I was sixteen years old. It was kind of an accident, but I fell in love with him and now we are going on five years. We have lived together for nearly three, but I'm afraid all of that is about to change.

I've always had ambition to get out, see bigger things, travel, see the world, etc. I never knew all of that would be in jeopardy if I made a commitment to Ryan. He is the type of person like doesn't move much, that is born, lives, and dies in the same place. I am not saying anything is wrong with that, but its not me. (At least I think its not, I dont really know.)

Ryan chose not to go to college, and he now owns his own business. It is growing everyday, and thriving. I am so proud of him, and want him to continue doing what makes him the happiest. Shouldn't he want that for me?

Long story short, I took 2 years off in between high school and college, and worked full time. I did this for finance reasons, and I was trying to help Ryan to get on his feet. Huge compromise, and huge sacrifice, in my opinion, but I was willing to do that for the one I love.

Now, its my turn. I am currently a freshman in a local community college, and it isn't hardly a challenge for me. I am here only because of Ryan. I am here because I am committed to a life here with him. Sure, the 4 year university here is good, and I could transfer just fine, but its not what I want. I want bigger, and better.

We always avoid the topic of me pursing my bachelors degree somewhere else. He does nothing but get angry, call me names, and call me selfish. But I am really just scared. Do I stay here, make my life here, settle for mediocre education and a mediocre job, and let him shine in the light of his success? Or should I cut my losses, pursue life, and let what happens happen.?

Its difficult to describe our relationship. I like to think we are strong, but we definately have our weakpoints. (Clearly, discussing issues without him leaving during a tantrum is one of them.) I don't want to stand two steps behind him my whole life, and I'm afraid that is what he wants me to do. I do not want to wake up in 10 years and think to myself "what if I had pursued my dream? Where would I be now?"

Please tell me if I am selfish for wanting more. I would be absolutley willing to do a long distance relationship, but he won't even listen to me when I bring it up. I'm so scared I'm losing out on life by settling. Please help.
posted by Haley (age 21) on 5/6/2010 @11:12:15 PM •
although it was a school project that i had to do that made me stumble on this website, i am glad i did. I would say to you mam and to anyone out there who say's they are in love that my mum always tells me that true love is also a compromise. If Ryan can't compromise and appreciate that you even have a goal in live then I'll be point blank, he needs to check on himself and ask "do i really want the best for my girl?" or "do i just want her to be me cause am selfish and am not ready to compromise?" and "do i really love her? cause if he does it would mean that he wants the best for you, and that would mean you pursuing your dreams.
posted by Joseph Adedeji (age 18) on 5/7/2010

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