family advice (post new situation)
 
 
"Guilt Trip from Sister"
 
My Mother died almost 3 years ago. My Dad is in his 70's and is now very dependent on my sister and me. We all live in the same area. My sister now worries about him all the time. She coddles him. I am the older brother, there is just the two of us. He is fine, just very lonely and doesn't want to get out and socialize with anyone but the family. He is sad, feels sorry for himself, and has no interests in anything anymore. Anything he does, he wants me or my sister to do it with him. I recently retired and after taking care of my sick wife for over a year - would finally like to do what I want to do. My sister constantly has plans to do things for my Dad and of course she usually tells me, not ask me to do them too. If I refuse, then I am the bad guy and I end up feeling guilty. Example, let's put up Dad's Xmas tree. I say I want to do my decorating this weekend. She says, well I will put it up for him then. Guilt Trip. Or changing planned times for things...then telling me what the new time is without asking or discussing. It is like she is in charge and I am suppose to drop everything and do it. It may sound petty, but it is driving me up the wall. She says let's go do this or that for Dad today, I say I already am busy. She says, well I will go do it. Guilt Trip. Dad and I have a good relationship, but then he has to boast...my daughter came and worked at the house today for 4 hours. How do I respond? My wife and I make him dinner several times a week, go with him to Dr. appts (I'm retired remember) and do other things for him that needs to be done. Not keeping stats or asking for a pat on the back. Still I am suppose to jump when she says jump, or I am the bad guy. My wife says don't let it get to me. I am not worried about the competition thing...it's just the guilt. I have a life too and plans too. What do I do? Any suggestions?
 
posted by Dan (age 53) on 11/29/2010 @12:16:49 PM •
 
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