family advice (post new situation)
"alcoholic care taker depressed"
i live in an abusive marraige. both my husband and i are functioning alcoholics, sorta. my elderly mother has moved in with us 4 months ago. i am not coping well. my mom was abusive and is perfectly able to care for hersself only she wont she does not help financially or around the house. she basically uses us. for real she has been asked to leave by 2 other siblings. there is 5 of us kids. and 2 wont even talk to her.its taking a toll on me mentally and i have been drinking excessively and its causing my husband and i extreme probs. to the point i may have to leave .i dont no what will happen to her or me but she wants this thinking her and i can get an apt. and i will work! she doesnt want any of her children to be married and has made probs with all our spouses. i dont no what to do. i am loosing my mind! i feel to leave everyone and start a life where no one can find me. my husband is very verbally abuses i am a **** a whore a piece of **** this is his house his car etc..... he even wants to bash my skull in.........he has not hit me in over 2 yrs. tho he was very physically abusive before that to the point i coulnt leave my house for sometimes over a month! i suffer sociol phobia have not worked since we married really have tried but our lifestyle has caused me to not be able to hold a job over a self esteem is very low. i am going thru menopause and that is getting to me i sweat profusely and cant go to the dr i have no ins. and he always tells me to make an appt i do but then when its time theres no money.i would like 1 day a week alone from mom the feeling used it gets me angry i dont have the guts to say how i feel so i get drunk and say too much! am i crazy? should i run off from all them and try to get myself some help? and become better and functional? what do i do ? i am scared. i do not have even 1 friend not 1! i cant. give some advice please before i do something i may regret oh and i am 48 on top of it. not a stupid kid tho i feel it!
posted by Trish (age 48) on 1/3/2011 @11:01:11 AM •
You say you feel crazy and all, but I can see you aren't! The fact that you know something is wrong makes you smart!

First, let me say NO ONE deserves ANYONE to abuse them. That alone tells me you need to get out. It doesn't matter if he did once or a hundred times; yesterday or a year ago - you don't stay. And as for your mother, she needs to find her own way. Sounds like you need to step back and worry about yourself first. Once you get your life straight, then you can worry about others, especially if your mother is capable of taking care of herself. I know all of this sounds so easy, but is much tougher to do, but it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and are very aware things aren't as they should be. I know so many people who can't even do that! That's half the battle! And please, please stop drinking. Nothing good will come of that. As you know, it only makes things so much worse.

Use your head. You're much smarter than you give yourself credit for. :) Good luck!!
posted by jess on 1/3/2011

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