relationship advice (post new situation)
"My soul mate is slipping away..."
We wrote letters and poems and sang each other songs of love for upwards of 5 (five) years. We shared a spiritual connection unlike anything most people share in "real life." We never met. We feared we never would, for the 3000 miles that separate us. He is in Jamaica. I am in Canada.

Succumbing to the fear that our love would never come to blossom, I tried to move on. I entered into relationship with a good man not far from here, a relationship that would last for two years and showed promise of blossoming into a lifetime of feigned happiness. In the back of my mind was always that echo of a lover undiscovered, calling out from the recesses of my memories. I ended this relationship several months ago.

I fully deserve what happened during that time.

My "soul mate" (the one I love with all my being, the one who holds my heart in his hands, the one whose memory prevents me from loving another fully with intention) - thinking I was gone forever, he also began to date. Now he is two years into his relationship with a woman not far from him (geographically), whom he professes to love and to whom he is now committed.

I stand on the sidelines and I cannot bear to watch, and jealousy consumes me. He still thinks of me as his "soul mate" - but things are "more complicated that that," he says. He tells me that he wishes he could undo all the time that we've been apart, so that we might be together. I would literally up and move to Jamaica just to be with him. I never truly stopped loving him, I never stopped wanting him, and it seems that these feelings are reciprocated.

He is a man of integrity to a fault, and he cannot simply leave a woman who has done him no wrong. He can't see breaking her heart. But what of mine? I ask, to which he agonizes and breaks but still stands next to the one he's committed to. (They are not married, but in a serious relationship.)

What am I to do? when they stand at the altar, which is where this is obviously headed, will I come running through the back doors and cry for him to stop this madness, or will I hold my peace and allow my heart to die.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried and found myself unable to devote myself to another man, for my heart is spoken for. I don't want another man. I don't care about anything else. I only want him.
posted by Rachael (age 22) on 2/14/2011 @12:10:01 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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