relationship advice (post new situation)
"Sex with my Ex"
My ex and I dated for 4 years. He broke up with me in February because he didn't see it working out in the future anymore, thinks he should date other people, and he needs to figure his life out. We hung out for the first time yesterday at his house and ended up having sex. He told me before that he still does have feelings for me but he tries to keep them suppressed because he doesn't want to make things harder and he thinks he should just move on. He did take a girl out on a date a couple weeks ago and he told me about it. He said they went to dinner and it was nothing special. I love him very much, did I make a mistake with getting back with him because I had sex with him? He also told me that dating sucks and it seems like he doesn't even want to date around. I don't think he is ready for it. But did I lose my chances of getting back with him? I think there are feelings on his part, maybe not as much as mine but i do think he still has feelings for me. Someone help!!! I love him and miss him and would like to go back to that fun loving friendship we had before.
posted by Jessica (age 23) on 3/30/2011 @12:41:50 PM •
Hi Jessica,
First off, I'm sorry for your situation, it sounds almost exactly like something I've been through not so long ago. Warning - This is tough love advice, not exactly easy to take or do, but it is the honest truth in my opinion.
If HE is the one that called off the relationship before then do not let him be the one dictating your "is it a thing? is it not a thing? are we together?" whatever you think it is at the time. He wants the ball in his court, and possibly wants to have his cake and eat it too if you know what I mean. I'm not saying his intentions are to hurt you, but if you throw yourself back into it too soon or at all, you are bound to get your heart broken again.
First off, stay out of his bed and vice versa! Ex sex is never a good idea unless you're officially back together. I know times get lonely and you think that maybe the next time you do it things will go back to normal, but its not.
Second, if you do see a future with him and want things back to a stable relationship, you need to keep your composure. I'm not saying wait for him, but don't put your life on hold waiting for an answer to "what if"? He's been on a date since you and there's no reason you shouldn't go live your life.
I know its difficult with this situation up in the air and so uncertain, but the less he knows right now about how you feel the better... let HIM make the moves about wanting to talk or hang out. If he knows you're constantly available, he WILL take advantage of that.

Best of luck and remember, take things slow and you take control of your own life!
posted by Diana (age 27) on 4/4/2011

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