relationship advice (post new situation)
 
 
"Trust"
 
Hello,

I am 28 and have been married for almost two years now. My husband is 4 years younger and seems to have an issue with trusting me. I've never given him a reason not to and it isn't about other men either. He just doesn't ever believe the words I say. I've never lied to him and have given him no reason to be suspicious of me. The things he doesn't believe me about are silly and unimportant but the fact that even if I beg him to believe, he refuses. Just today I was trying to get him to believe me that there is a nine hour time difference between where we live and our families back home in California. Because his computer was telling him the wrong time he refused to believe me even when I begged him to he said "I'm sorry but I don't". When you are on the outside looking in it seems fairly petty but it still hurts. I finally had to show him through world clock, and all he had to say for it is that his clock was set wrong. It isn't just time we're talking about, it's whenever I say something new like facts. He immediately takes the opposite opinion and tells me I can't be right or that can't happen. Every time I say something I feel like he thinks I'm making everything up to start a fight. Casual conversation turns to epic battles because he denies everything I say and then tells me "you just have to be right don't you?". I'm not bringing up conversation to debate right and wrong, it's just casual and meaningless ideas to pass the time. Yet if we were at a party or other people are around and they bring up something meaningless he says, "really? Huh I didn't know that." So why when I say it is it a lie? I've never lied to him or given him a reason to think I would. I talk to him about it and he just doesn't have any answers for me. I feel like if anyone is supposed to trust me and have my back it should be him. He should be the one I can count on to be on my side but we play on separate teams and I don't know why. Hope you can shed some light into this because I don't know what to do. I could really use him by my side as I've had a very difficult year both with the loss of my mother and moving away from my entire family because of his career. I don't have anyone to turn to and though he might apologize for his actions they are just repeated again and again. I don't know if it's a fight he wants from me or what but I don't talk to fight with him. It makes me not want to tell him anything at all and I know deep down I'm not supposed to feel like I can't talk to him.
 
posted by Kat (age 28) on 5/10/2011 @7:02:01 AM •
 
well... it seems like there's more going on with him that he may not be sharing. and i'm not talking something shady necessarily - maybe he's extra stressed, and it gets taken out on you.

as for the never-believing you thing, sometimes it helps to share a feeling, rather than "accusing" somebody of something. what i mean is this: rather than saying something like, "you never believe me,"... maybe you could say something like, "when i tell you something and you don't believe it, it makes me feel dumb. is that your intention?" i know that probably sounds goofy, but going the route of how something actually makes you feel may shed some light on it for him...

i hope that's helpful!
 
posted by jon on 5/12/2011
 


 
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