relationship advice (post new situation)
"trouble with the past"
I am in a relationship with "the girl." she probably is the one for me to the end. But, I have a problem with the fact that she may have been a little "****ty," before me. We have both been checked, so that's not the issue, and she is 100% dedicated to me and only for me now. But I have a really hard time dealing with her past in my head. hmmm.
posted by James on 2/11/2008 @9:30:03 AM •
I'm a girl, and I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. I'm an adult, but he's the first guy I've dated because I never had time to date before. He's been in a few relationships before, but I keep hearing comments about those previous relationships, and what he's done. Part of me wants to ask, but mostly I'm afraid to know, just in case I don't measure up. He keeps telling me that I mean more to him than any other girl has, and that they are the ones that don't measure up. Still, if this is how you're feeling in regards to your girlfriend, then all I know is that it takes time and almost a "forgiveness" on your part for it to go away.
posted by Dia on 2/11/2008
I would say it shouldn't matter what their past was. Some people make mistakes.....A LOT OF MISTAKES before they get on the right path. I think as long as this person is 100% dedicated to only you, that is all that matters.
posted by jessica on 2/11/2008
Well, I can relate to this because this is how my boyfriend feels about me. And this may help coming from the other side. He lashed out at me once calling me a **** and all of these other things because I guess it had been bugging him and he let it all build up inside and he blew up on me and said all of the wrong things. I was shocked to know that he felt that way because I had no idea..he woulnd't even listen to anything I had to say about any of my ex boyfriends or anything, and that hurt because I felt like if he actually knew the story, then he wouldn't feel the way he did.
I hope I'm making sense here. Basically, maybe you should get to know a little more about her past from her, and that might help. Set aside your own thoughts...and just listen.
I mean you're her boyfriend, you shouldn't be judging her.
I think that the reason you feel this way, is because you're insecure. And that isn't her fault. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that at this age we all care so much about how many people our partners have slept with. When you get older and get married do you think you'll be asking your wife how many people she's slept with? No won't even care. You'll be old enough and mature enough to know that IT DOESN'T MATTER.
You have to just let it fact, build up some confidence and show her what she's been missing out on ;)
posted by Sadie on 2/11/2008

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