relationship advice (post new situation)
"Not Really a friend"
I have a "friend" in my life. She and I used to be the best of friends, but for at least the last 2 years she has become addicted to pain pills, going to the emergency room, doctors, dentist, etc for any little scratch just to get more pain pills or muscle relaxers or anxiety medicine. At first I thought she was just a hypochondriac but now I realize it has become an addiction. She hasn't been able to hold a job for the last 2 years. She always asks for money, from me, from other friends, from my family, their families and even people she barely knows. She has even stolen from several people, my friends, my mom, other friends' parents and not only money, but pain pills. I feel like morally, I am obligated to say something to her, but I cheese up when it comes to sitting down and talking to her about her problem. She will lie and deny everything and the last time someone confronted her she started to have an anxiety attack and went to the emergency room. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have developed a hate and bitterness towards her. Part of me loves her because I know the good person and friend she used to be. But she seems to be in denial about her problems and seems to be okay with being a 27 year old with no job and mooching off everyone she encounters. I have told her "NO" several times, she can't come around me without asking for something, whether it be money, or a to buy her a pack of cigarettes, etc. It's annoying! But back to the moral part. I feel that I have to do what I can to turn her back around. I worry that if I don't she will die of an overdose, or be put in jail or hurt herself or someone else. I am so scared to talk to her because she will turn it around to everyone she talks to and say "she left me when I needed her the most" or some other lie and make me look like the bad person. I also feel bad because I have talked about my annoyance with her to anyone willing to offer up advice. I seem to get the same response from everyone "She isn't your friend, ditch her" And again, that's easier said than done. I never call her, or go by her home, she shows up at my house unannouced or shows up at my job and she even followed me to the dentist office one day. Even while I was in the dentist chair full of novacaine she had the audacity to ask me for money to buy herself cigarettes. I am ready to pull my hair out! Does she not see this is not acceptable behavior? What do I do? I think my only resolution is just to move far away and change my phone number. I don't think she will ever get the hint until it's too late. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you in advance.
posted by Amelia (age 28) on 11/30/2011 @5:39:52 PM •
I have a pretty disfunctional family...all my Aunts and Uncles are on pain pills. My uncle actually pushed my 85 year old grandma down the stairs, and stole her money, and her wedding ring and bought drugs with it. My advice would be to try and explain to her exactly what you said on here. Tell her you're nervous to bring it up, and try to catch her when you know she isn't high. Explain that if she wants to quit, that you will be there for her and help her every step of the way. Tell her that it pains you to see her slowly drifting away into a drug-world. If she really cares about you and herself, she will accept it. Then, tell her that if doesn't at least try to change, that you can no longer be a close friend. I hope this helped at least a little. I'm sorry you gotta go through this...I know how hard it can be to say something, but I believe it would be in the best of you and her interset to try and help. Good Luck
posted by Gina on 12/9/2011

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