family advice (post new situation)
"My 86 year old father lies, not dementia"
My Mom passed 5.5 years ago. Because my Dad would not sign the 'DNR' papers, she had to be released from Hospice. This is how it all started. They had no money to hire a care giver. So, I have single parented for over a decade. One income. No financial help. I took a 6 month leave of absence, NO PAY, cost me $24,000 so I could care for my Mom while she died. I feel this was an honor. I am greatful we could spend her last months together. And I didn't have to worry about how she was being cared for. It was my Dad's irresponsibility and twisted sence of entitlement that has led me here, where I am today. He only sat with Mom if Mom had company in her room and there was food being served. He never once in all the time she was dying, cry. He did say, 'well your Mom gets all the attention and I don't feel good either.' Or 'If I had a gun I would just shoot your Mom and me in the head.' He was horrrible. When we went to the funeral home to pick out a casket, he complained that the cheapest casket was too expensive. I told him she wasn't going to be buried in the cheapest casket. She had enough money in life insurance from her job to cover everything plus some. He was mad because he wanted the money. He was horrible and he continues to be horrible. He doesn't have any form of dementia. He was tested 3 months ago as I thought there had to be something wrong in his head. We agreed the money
mom had squirreled away would be set up in 2 annuitys. One that would suplement his income, althought he didn't need it. The other would be left alone for his funeral expenses. He has gone through all of one and just cashed out the other. I was angry and told him there was no way I could possibly cover his expenses as I went nearly bankrupt and still struggle financially.I am still paying past due bills to the point where sometimes all I have to eat is a hamburger bun or ramen noodles (no exageration) for days on end. I was invited over to dinner at his house one evening by my daughter who was cooking for him. After I left he said 'what was she doing here eating my food' i have done everything for him now for 6 years. He won't share his food with me. He said my 19 year old son he could go to hell because he promised my son hunting privelges on a tiny piece of property and then allowed a near stranger out there to hunt and ruined my son's chances of getting a deer. When my son said 'no one is allowed out there to hunt' as he found a hunting blind set up right under his deer stand, my Dad said 'it's none of your business. To hell with you.' I have been filling my Dad's med box every week for 6 years. I have sat in the hospital with him twice a year every year. Then leave the hospital, run home, let the dogs out and change clothes and go to work. I have cleaned his house, paid his bills mowed his yard, fixed some plumbing, and listened to him tell me how no one ever does anything for him. I can't take it anymore. The icing on the cake was him being disrespectful to my son. My son has always been respectful to him. Has helped with the mowing, the plumbing, helping when Dad was too week to stand up. I have had it. My daughter lives with him and she is another story. Dad knew I couldn't afford Christmas this year. Not even the dinner. I asked him if he wanted to come over Christmas day, but I couldn't afford dinner. he said no. He had a ham and my daughter was fixing dinner. Didn't even invite us over. He doesn't want to share his food. His money in a sense. So, last night I wrote out his med list, morning, evening, bedtime and dropped it off at his house. I told him I would no longer do anything and if he needed help he could contact senior services. I am really depressed by all of this and the toll it has taken on me. I have been so sick this year, vomiting blood, liquid stools. found 7 things wrong with my digestive system. stomach is now pre cancerous. But I just can't take it anymore. he is an ass. 6 years of his assyness. Am Ia really bad person, daughter for having done this?
posted by r (age 54) on 1/4/2012 @8:37:58 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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