relationship advice (post new situation)
"Need advice, help please? :("
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, currently ex I think, for about two years. Let me give you a little background on my boyfriend first. He is currently in the final steps of a very long and strenuous divorce. He has a young daughter in the middle of all of this, is losing his home, has moved back in with his mom, and on top of all of that owes the IRS a ton of money. To top that off we work together and are unable to go on dates or out in public due to work and potentially losing our jobs because of dating. He has been looking for another job as have i but neither of us have had any luck. The last month or so has been rough for us. He had been distancing himself and I began to nag and ask questions more so than usual. I felt he was unhappy and that he did not want to be with me anymore. He barely called and barely came over. I called and called and texted and texted, mistake on my part thinking back. On april 13th he came over and I had a feeling we were going to have a talk. He said he needed time and space, that he felt unhappy in his life and that he did not feel like I was giving him the support he needed. I cried a lot but ultimately agreed with his decision to take this space. Soon after on wednesday after april 13th i called him crying and asking him to please have a talk with me in person in regards to what this meant for us. He said he would come over saturday and that was that. Saturday he came over and I made paella (our dinner we had for first anniversary), some good wine, ice cream and strawberries and we watched a movie and laughed and talked. Then we started talking, he told me he felt that he was going through depression and was planning on going to therapy starting this week. He told me he still loved me and was in love with me and we hugged, kissed, made love, cried, and hugged some more all night. He said he needed to not be in a relationship right now, to do his life and figure out how he was going to get passed all of his problems. He seems devastated by the idea that his daughter will grow up without her father day by day and that his last two marriages ended up in divorces, he feels he has failed at the one thing he wanted most in life. He also said he felt that instead of feeling support from me, that all I did was nag and make him feel more pressure and stress. I told him I had no idea he was feeling so down and that honestly to me he always appeared strong. He said he needed someone to support him and right now felt like he has no one, he said he can't tell his mom, his friends, and felt he couldnt count on me to support him. I told him i tried but that i didn't realize what his needs were, i also apologized for that. Ultimately he said he couldn't be with me, that this is how he felt right now and that obviously he couldn't read the future. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him, he said he would never ask me to do that, that that would be unfair for me, and I told him I would wait. He said he was not planning on looking for anyone else or even interested in the idea of looking for anyone else, and that he loved me, but ultimately needs to fix himself and feel better about his life. He said he did not know what this meant for me and him in the future and said he didn't know what the future would be. I told him i understood, that I hoped he gets the help he needs, and that obviously among other things I am his best friend and would like to think I can be there for him. We kissed in the morning and hugged and had coffee and then he left. Last night I was very upset, cried a lot, and called him a ton, he didn't answer. This morning I called him from my other line and he answered. I told him i didn't get why were completely cutting off communication, he said he felt it would be easier for the both of us, i told him i didn't feel it would considering we are still friends. I asked him if i could see him before he leaves to china in about a month and a half and he said "we will see", he also said he thought we had both planned on calling each other in two weeks. We hung up and thats about it. I feel dreadful. Don't want to lose him but don't really know what i can do. I feel very alone and do not really have anyone to talk to. Is anyone able to talk, either by phone or email???
posted by sofi (age 25) on 4/23/2012 @9:37:44 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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