relationship advice (post new situation)
"Jobless boyfriend"
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now who is also a single dad and am running into this problem with his lack of motivation. When we first hooked up he didn't have a job but that wasn't a big deal to me because I honestly figured he'd get one soon. Well it hasn't happened and it's been a long time. I'm extremely motivated single mom who has worked and gone to school and done my best to raise my seven year old daughter who I had at 17 and have not been without a job since I was 15. I now have a pretty decent job where I have enough money for savings. Well once we got together I cleaned out 2,000 of my savings just helping him out. (phone bills, insurance, tickets, warrants, etc. ) then once that was cleaned out I still gave him money if he needed it. I had to completely stop getting my nails done and buying things for myself so I could afford to take us all out. I have tries so hard to inspire and motivate him to get a job any job so he can support himself and his family. I have gone so far as to talk to people who will hire him but he doesn't want to go for whatever reasons. He seems to have a million excuses for everything. I never wanted money to be an issue because I can support myself fine but it's hard to now have. Whole family of six to support when I just barley within about 6 months before we started dating really got to where I had extra cash. Now I'm pay check to paycheck again and still working my ass off. I still go to school and work two jobs. He sits at his home and plays video games all day. Plus we fight at lease every two days and it's usually because he gets mad at me for small stuff! And I try not to respond if I think it's stupid but he will just pick on me all day until I break down in tears but then it's my fault because he was just kidding. It's so stressful. But I do love him very much. I mean we always talk about marraige. I just don't want to get married if I have to busy my aas te rest of my life to support everyone and never even be happy. I just need some good advice that is not my friends or family. Because they just say to leave him. I guess I need an unbiased advice so I know what to do. I know every relationship has problems that's another reason why I am trying so hard to stick this out. I hope it will get better and he will get motivated. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
posted by Steph on 8/6/2012 @6:07:44 PM •
He will never motivate himself because you have always paid and have let him be lazy it not a case of motivation it a case of him having no respect for you. He can't have any sense of pride to not to want to work and put money into the house and the first thing you need to do is stop paying anything for him, he and adult he can look after himself and should want to look after himself if he had any pride. I know this sounds harsh as you love him but he will just keep taking. You have to options look after him the rest of his life, or give him ultimatum that he needs to get job within 3 months otherwise you will split and actually go through with it and I bet you if he loves you at all he will get job if he doesn't then you have done yourself a favour by letting him go as you can't spend the rest of your life like that!
posted by Sheba on 8/14/2012

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