life advice (post new situation)
"I need help "
Hey I really need to vent to somebody :/ I've been so sad lately. I didn't go to school twice this week and my parents don't know about it (yet) :( & the reason why I didn't go to school the first time because well..I didn't finish my hw and I felt terrible..not physically, mentally (I know, very stupid of me to do :/) And today I didn't go because I overslept :( My mother always wakes me up and today she didn't. It's only September and I'm already missing school :( I dont Know what to do. Thats one reason I'm sad because I'm missing my education and when my mother finds out.. :( Another reason is that I'm lonely. I don't fit in with my family. I'm just there. I'm not even close to my parents. I don't tell them anything because they tell other people my problems. I also have 4 older brothers. 2 are living with me and 2 are with there families. But the 2 brothers that live with me are always busy and don't care about me. I feel like an only child :( I cry a lot for this reason..I'm so lonely. I have friends but it's not the same. Another reason is my weight. I'm so fat. Yesterday my friend wanted to carry me and I said no because I knew he couldn't, Im too fat. And we were with a big group of our friends. That's when he snuck up behind me and tried to carry me. And he couldn't. He even said "she's kinda heavy". That made me feel so horrible. Thats when he carried my other friend perfectly fine making me feel like a whale. I'm so fat :( And I really want to lose weight, I just don't know how.. :( 
posted by Sandra on 9/27/2012 @11:18:22 AM •
Hey, Sandra, I'm in college and I still sleep in! I know the feeling though when you wake up and you know you've missed class (or for me: work). Also, the feeling of not having done your homework is straining... Freshmen year in college, and I'm way behind in homework. That sucks too.

I would recommend that you just try to take each homework assignment one at a time, don't wait for the right time, just do it. In my experience, doing homework always involves a sacrifice of some kind, whether it's facebook, or hanging out with friends, or whatever, but once you do it it feels great! Even doing one assignment feels good once it's done! So just do it! It's not as daunting as you think. :-)

That's rough with your family. I'm kind of in a similar situation where I don't have the most loving and transparent relationship with my parents. Just do your best to show you care for them and respect them, even admire them, and that'll make a huge difference in the relationship. Trust me :-) forming habits of care takes time, but it's totally worth it. Not only will it benefit them, but it'll help you feel better too. I remember a quote, "The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up."

Finally, in terms of loneliness, you're not the only one!! There are a lot of people here at college that feel lonely inside. To fill the emptiness girls, and guys, will hook up with someone, hoping that they will fill that gap. But man is that a mistake! Several people who I know who have gone out with a guy because they felt lonely regretted it. Love is a powerful thing, and taking it away or using it for the wrong reasons is a very dangerous game!

I would say the biggest thing you can do about your situation is pray. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but praying to Jesus Christ to save you and fill that gap is the best thing you could probably ever do. Everything else I've said is just B+ advice. Really, the best thing you can do for yourself and for your family is pray with faith! Jesus has taken me out of some dark places, I trust He will for you too. :-)

Thanks for sharing, Sandra, you are noticed more than you think, and loved more than you know. I'm Kent, a random stranger, so sorry if this was too much. I just wanted to be honest :-)
posted by Kent Corbin (age 18) on 10/7/2012
Hello Sandra,

I live in the beautiful city of Vancouver in British Columbia, Canada.

I just read your post - I am so sorry you feel the way you do :-(( I am a Dad of a girl and a boy.

The education thing is an easy fix. Always, always do your homework (even when you don't want to - very important), both because that is expected of you by your Teachers and Parents naturally, but as a discipline for yourself. A personal achievement you can be proud of immediately!! and of course in the much, much longer term...if what I just said doesn't sound like something you want to hear, I can understand that, but you will pay a much bigger price when you become an adult (and ultimately the rest of your life) I can assure you O_o You also need to stop having Mom wake you up :-)))

Now the more difficult challenge is your self-image. If you are over-weight due to a medical issue, then you should be consulting with your Doctor about your feelings as he/she can refer you to a Doctor who can help you work through your self-image in a much more constructive way than you may be able to all alone.

If on the other hand it is because you are not active enough VS how much you eat, then you are in full control of that and while 'that' you can not change overnight, you can certainly change how you physically look to others within months for sure. The mental self-image can take years and sometimes a lifetime to change. Create a picture in your mind of how you want to look and how you want to be perceived by others and constantly visualize your picture many times a day. You will see your entire life slowly, but surely start to manifest before your very eyes. Be patient and never, never give up!! <-- That is the real secret to being who you want to be!!

No matter who you are or become, no matter what you look like fat, skinny or in-between, tall or short, there is always going to be someone out there that will not like you for no reason other than their own personal preference. Thankfully the odds are in everyone's favor because there are so many people in this world for you not to find people that love you for you would be almost impossible!!

Regarding feeling like an only child: You will have to speak up to your family about how you feel in your life. You are not being fair to them by not expressing your feelings. If they don't know you are hurting , then how can they help? I know how you feel about your Mom and Dad telling others what you said, don't worry about that too much, as I learned later in life0\, because they need to also hear other people they trust to give their perspective so they can make the best decision for everyone. If it is something really personal and you ask them specifically to not tell anyone and they agree, then they should honor their word. To reverse it for a second, say your Parents talk to you about something important and personal to them and you are confused or needing time to think it through, you would likely talk to a good friend about whatever your Parents spoke about just to get a second opinion or maybe just vent like here :-))

You are who you are (or you will change to become who you really want to be). You and everyone around you has problems, challenges, issues, things they are very confident about and things they embarrassed by - Surround yourself with people who support you - I know you think your family doesn't and that might be true, but much more likely you haven't been as honest as you should be with them about how you feel, so they can not help even in a the smallest way ,let alone something awesome - Give them and life a chance by being honest with yourself and everyone around you.

Be first mentally who would you want to be and life will take care of the rest!!

Carpe Diem Sandra

posted by G on 10/11/2012

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