relationship advice (post new situation)
"Stay or Leave"
I have been married for ten years. My husband has not worked for 8 of those years. I no longer feel like he is my mate, but my responsibility. Intimacy is a struggle. Im tired of the financial strain and when I bring it up, he gets upset. I dont nag him or yell. My children would be devastated but Im beginning to think this wont change. I cant take care of is terribly hard to make it on my income. Do I stay or leave?
posted by Jasmine on 10/4/2012 @6:14:20 PM •
Beginning to think it won't change? 4 years should have been the beginning. His behavior is indicative of one of three things 1)an alcoholic. 2) a drug addict. 3) a cheater. Or even a combination of 2 or 3 of these. You would be teaching your children a lesson in self worth if you were to pack them up and leave the bum. right now, you are teaching them that there are no consequences for treating someone like a door mat. That it is okay to expect the woman to do everything and not get any respect in return. If you have boys, they will treat their wives the same way. If you have a daughter, is this the way you want her to be treated? The question you need to ask yourself is do you want your children to have the same life as you or a better one? They learn what they live. what life are you going to give them to use as their example of how a loving relationship should be? Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to live with them. If you are not getting out of a relationship what you put into it, it's not a real loving relationship. you could be teaching your children that strength comes from knowing when it's time to move on to better things. relationships should be 50/50
posted by susan on 10/18/2012
Leave. but do no file for divorce yet. if you file now you will have to pay the louse spousal support since he hasn't worked and has been dependent on you. file for a separation agreement instead, move out with the kids, tell him you want to work on your relationship but you can't do it while living with him because you need to see that he really wants to start over and he needs to win back your trust. give him no money during this time, this is part of him trying to show you that he can really be the father and husband you need him to be. If he doesn't change after at LEAST a year and a half, (with you giving him NO money) then file for divorce and you won't have to pay support. If it does come down to divorce, remember to get child support in the divorce, don't trust him to say he'll do it on his own, get it in a court order!
posted by Katherine on 10/22/2012

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