relationship advice (post new situation)
"It's Time To Move On"
I am 54 yrs old, divorced for 21 yrs, with 2 grown daughters who no longer live with me. Ten years ago I "met" a man online. We met face-to-face, and long story short, he has lived in my home almost 10 yrs now. It has not been a smooth relationship, but one I have worked at every which way I know.
About 2 yrs ago, this man became involved with drugs and alcohol to the point of becoming violent - not with me, but raging and ranting and breaking things. I do not tolerate drugs in my home (or violence) and told him to leave. It took a few hours, but he did leave. Another long story short, he ended up in a residential treatment program for 9 months. The program was great, and he eventually came to terms with his addiction problems, worked through them, kept up with weekly meetings and was on the path to a good life. And yes, I allowed him to move back home, with the understanding that he would never bring drugs into our home again. Well, this past week, it became apparent that he was back to the drugs again. I searched, and found them, and destroyed them. Needless to say, he was quite angry (verbally). And I told him, "You broke the agreement, you knew the consequences. You need to move out. Find somewhere else to live."
Some facts: Yes, I do love this man, but not like I used to. I know it is time to move forward. He has lied to me so many times over the years, and I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt too many times, and I have given him too many chances to change his life for the better. I am angry at myself for letting it go on as long as it has, for enabling him. Now, I rent my house from my mom, who lives across the street from me. She is almost 80 yrs old and I do not want to burden her with this problem.
Here is my problem, and what I need advice about: I have told this man to leave. He has not left. He is 6' 4", 298 lbs. I am 5' 4", 145 lbs. I cannot physically throw him out. I do not own my house, so I cannot "evict" him. He is permanently disabled (heart and legs), and has given me money from his disability check each month to help with rent, utilities, groceries, etc. But nothing is written down, there is no written agreement, like a rental agreement. HOW DO I GET HIM OUT OF MY HOUSE?? He simply won't leave. His closest family is about 500 miles away, and they don't want him living with them, either. He has no friends nearby who would take him in. Two years ago he had friends through AA who helped to get him into the rehab program. He has since severed ties with them.
I don't know what legal rights I have, or he has, about getting him out of the house. Since he has given me money for expenses, do I have to "give him 30 days notice??"
Any advice from anyone would be gratefully accepted! I can go into more detail about the situation if need be, but this is the gist of it.
posted by Susie (age 54) on 1/9/2013 @8:50:31 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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