relationship advice (post new situation)
"Unemployed fiance"
My fiance made me a promise. He promised me that he would keep his job that he disliked so that I could quit mine and become self employed. That was a had decision to make. I knew that our finances would be tight at first but with his income I knew we would be fine. Well, he quit his job, just two months after he said he would keep it. I'm stressed out and I ask him every day if he has put in his application anywhere. I even read craigslist post to him every night telling him who is hiring, but when I ask him, he most always answers "No, not today, I'm going to tomorrow."
It's frustrating.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, he was pulled over for a broken tail light and the cop decided to search his car. He was arrested for the possession of marijuana. Enough of it to get a felony on his record.
I think that after getting arrested and knowing you will be paying a heavy fine and that your fiance is furious that you even has weed, you would want to get a job.

Today his car broke down. I'd be the one that has to fix it. I always am. I pay for everything.... everything. Without a car, he cant get to school, or put in many applications. He doesn't have car insurance and I don't trust anyone driving my car because it's the nicest thing I have.

This has pushed me to the point where I need to look for a second job. My pride is hurt and I don't actually have the time for another job. I am a hair stylist and I work 5 days a week. I don't know what to do anymore.
If I go out looking for a second job, I will have to change myself and that thought is painful. I have always been known as Ariel; The girl with the long bright red hair. Most places, if any place, won't look twice at me because of my hair and I'm not good with rejection.
I just need to know what to do. I'm always so sure of my decisions, but this is way too difficult. I feel betrayed and disrespected. :(
posted by Ariel (age 23) on 2/6/2013 @2:47:18 PM •
I know I'm young, but here's what I think:

1.) Using the breadwinner's logic, you now call the shots. I'm not sure what it'll take for your guy (let's call him Eric) to get off his butt and try to get a job, but to put it bluntly, he's unemployed and was caught with weed. He's really in no position to be playing on his own terms, and you should tell him that. A marriage is underway. Eric needs to be more responsible, step up, and be a man.
2.) As for getting a second job, I wouldn't unless it was absolutely necessary, i.e. you were about to be evicted or something. You're right; employers are arbitrarily judgmental. But I wouldn't let that scare you. Rock the hair, cuz no matter where you end up being employed, in all seriousness, it will not last forever. Your inner being will.
posted by Chris (age 18) on 2/7/2013
My ex husband quit his job when we got married, I searched high and low for jobs for him. He said the same thing, not today- I'll look tomorrow. I even made out a resume for him and turned it into local places hiring (most not even minimum wage). I found out he never went to any of the interviews and realized at that point I needed to put my foot down. Your fiance is obviously taking advantage of you. I say don't let him use the car, don't pay for extra things for him (if he smokes ciggies or weed too). Where is he getting the money for this weed is the big Q. It's not an issue that he's smoking -if he can afford it, but I wouldn't doubt that you're forking the cash out. Cut his funds and minimize it to housing and food -all he needs to survive. In my personal opinion, you're not married to the man and assuming you have no children together so it would be best to cut all ties to him and find a better man that appreciates you. Good Luck Ariel.
posted by B on 2/12/2013

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