family advice (post new situation)
"Christmas dilemma"
My husband and I are debating on whether or not to visit family for Christmas. They live 10 hours away so we cannot make it quick. I feel that my family has been declining in moral status over the past couple of years, I do not like the people they have become and I no longer want to be a part of it. At the same time, I know if I don't go, it'll hurt my grandparents feelings, should I make them happy or me happy?
posted by Jillian on 12/17/2007 @8:57:37 PM •
That is a long way to go knowing you are just going to be miserable when you get there. Christmas is a time to spend with the people you love. I'm not saying you don't love your family, but you shouldn't feel like you always need to suit everyone else, especially for holidays. Can you invite your grandparents down? Or go see them at another time? The way you spend your Christmas should make you happy. If your family will be so disappointed, maybe they can take the 10 hour trek to see you. I hope you do what makes you happiest. Merry Christmas!
posted by Jessi on 12/18/2007
Honestly, I think you shouldn't go if you feel like you don't want to. There are a couple reasons for this. First and foremost, if you are going to be miserable, everyone will be. When people are uncomfortable with each other, bad vibes go around. No one will enjoy the visit, not even you grandparents. Especially since it would potentially be a long term trip, you wouldn't be able to escape it, and it could even estrange you from your family further because mountains are made out of mole hills when the strain of trying to be polite becomes too much to bear. Secondly, your abscense may ruffle some feathers, but it could ultimately be a good thing; if they are confronted with the things that make them undesireable maybe they will be inspired to make changes. Also, 10 hours is a huge commitment even when family relations aren't strained. It's just unreasonable to expect you to be able to travel anytime you want to. All said, I think that a nice phone call on the day will suffice quite nicely. That will let them know you still care, but are unable to be with them.
posted by Patrick on 12/20/2007
Lol yeah i feeel that about some family too. you could send them a nice basket or something and personally address your grandparents in a special card and try it for yourself next christmas see how you feel. you may feel better with your small group at home, at least if you make it fun and start your own tradition mabe they will be tempted to come to you ?
posted by Jessica on 12/29/2007

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