family advice (post new situation)
"birthday plans"
Yesterday (Saturday) was my son's 35th birthday.
A week ago, I made plans with him and his wife to have dinner at my house on his birthday.
I sent a text message to both my son and his wife on the day before his birthday telling them that they could come over to my house any time on Saturday. Neither one of them replied to my message.
Saturday morning, I received a text message from my son saying that his wife's surprise birthday gift to him was to have his friend from Ohio visit for the weekend. My son also said that the "plan" included all three of them going to Boston to see the show "Wicked".
That was a surprise to me. My daughter-in-law could have let me know that she had already made plans for this weekend when we talked a week ago about getting together for my son's birthday dinner.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened.
The most recent time was three weeks ago.
My son called me and canceled the plans we had made for the three of us to go out for dinner and a show just 45 minutes before we supposed to leave.
His excuse was that his wife's mother had gotten herself involved in some type of scam, kept leaving the house without telling anyone where she was going and that they were on their way to her house which is usually an hour's drive from their house, but because they were driving from each of their workplaces, it added another hour of travel time.
I don't know why other people in her family weren't contacted for help. She has two sisters and a daughter living not far from her house. Why didn't her husband do something about it? Instead, after watching this scenario play out for days, he called my son and daughter-in-law and expected them to bring his wife to report the scam to the police.
Something still seems weird with that whole situation.
Obviously, I'm upset and angry that my son and daughter-in-law repeatedly cancel our plans.
One thing is for sure. In the future, I won't buy groceries and prepare dinner for people, relatives or not, who may or may not show up or cancel altogether.
Your thoughts, please, on how to handle people who repeatedly cancel plans.

posted by Jeanne on 9/8/2013 @2:28:39 PM •
I feel bad for you. It's not right. As I always say, they don't know how lucky they are to have a parent that is still just alive. My family lost our mom kinda young. My youngest brother was 27. I don't have kids myself but can imagine how much you hurt. I don't really have advice only to say that as hard as it is, you've got to try not to get upset over it and accept it. I have learned finally at my age to do that when I am disappointed in my family life. God is my best friend. Not that I'm over religious or anything like that, I just never feel alone. I live alone but am seldom lonely. It's their problem not yours. You just have to change your reaction and maybe they will see it and maybe change a little themselves. Good luck.
posted by Susan (age 56) on 10/17/2013

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