relationship advice (post new situation)
 
 
"ASAP!!!!"
 
My Bf wants to have sex hes not virgin i am and im scared but excited to do it..
Is it going to hurt alot?
Am i going to bleed alot?
Can i get and infection?
 
posted by professional on 12/17/2007 @10:49:20 PM •
 
ok, here goes. i read your post and cannot get it off my mind. i don't know you or how old you are, but i'll tell you what i know. first, i want to tell you about me. i am a 21 year old woman. i'm not a nerd. actually, i was very popular in high school. i say this so maybe you will consider what i say. i am a virgin. not because i haven't had plenty of opportunities, but because i want someone who wants me, not my body. i also taught (and learned) more about sex and std's (sexually transmitted diseases) than i would ever want to know. it made me sick to just see the pictures of the diseases you can get, i couldn't imagine having them. i am not trying to scare you out of anything, but i do want you to have a realistic view on what could happen.
what people fail to remember are the risks. i'm sure you know the big one (pregnancy, of course), but there are soooo many others. if this guy is not a virgin, you may be exposed to diseases. is it worth it? not to me. and just because he thinks he doesn't have an std doesn't mean he's std free. some std's don't show up until much later after getting them. i know it sounds silly, but a smart person would make their partner be checked before having sex with them. if he's not willing, you shouldn't be willing either. condoms don't prevent std's and are not guarenteed to prevent pregnancy (no matter what someone tells you). there are some std's that you can cure and some that you can't. meaning some std's will stay with you your whole life. be careful!
also, you have to know that girls develop a very strong emotional attachment with people the have sex with. it's not something you can help, it just happens. and i know that you love him now, but will you in 2 months? or 4 years? and if you guys ever break up (i know, heaven forbid) it will be sooo much worse for you. sex is so much more than something cool to do in the moment. one decision to have sex lasts your whole life. think about it. your whole life. and lots of guys use taking a girl's virginity as a trophy- something they are proud about and tell everyone.
use your head, not your emotions. be smart. research what happens your first time and how to prevent pregnancy and std's. know your risks. don't ever let someone pressure you. ever. do something because you want to, not some guy. i hope this helps you in making your decision. if you want to talk to me more and you have a myspace, my page is myspace.com/thewordofadvice. just send me a message telling me who you are and i would be more than happy to help you out more. sorry i'm such a downer, but i don't want something bad to happen.
remember: anyone can have sex. anytime. just be smart about it.
 
posted by mindy on 12/18/2007
 
your young so dont push you luck if you want to have sex with this guy you better go get tests on him before you do anything for stds. plus i think you should wait before doing something you might later regret. i know it might sound stupid but waiting to have sex until you know hes the right one might save you alot of trouble in the long run.
 
posted by amanda on 12/19/2007
 
Well. its really a matter of do you want to? And since you adressed this situation online like: My Bf wants to have sex. That kinda seems like you dont want to. when your ready the time will come. trust me
good luck
 
posted by Jamie on 12/19/2007
 
Don't be pressured. Make sure it's something you want to do. Losing your v-card is a big decision. Once you have sex, you can never have your virginity back, no matter how much you want to. So make it something worthwhile, not just a one night stand. If you do decide to do it, make sure he uses a condom. This is a deal breaker. If he won't put one on, you won't have sex with him. Especially since he's not a virgin. I like the idea of getting him tested, but I also understand that sometimes that's just not practical. Condoms don't always protect you from STDs, but most of the time-when used properly-they will. As for the rest, if he's doing it right, you shouldn't have any pain at all. Make sure he is gentle with you. It is your first time after all.
 
posted by Patrick on 12/20/2007
 


 
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