relationship advice (post new situation)
"am i being fair to my boyfriend?"
sorry this is so long but dont know how to shorten it.
So my boyfriend and I have been seeing one another for 5 months. We love each other and he treats me like a queen. Whenever we go out Iím the center of his attention but he says I tend to flirt. When we were just dating he was spending the night one night and checked my phone and saw I had been talking to a few guys. Now I had just come out of a marriage and had told him I couldnít be serious with him for awhile. However we kind of were serious bc we had already said I love you and were spending every single night together. Anyway, he found out I might go out on a date with this guy and that guy happened to want to hang out that night that my bf was there. Well my bf encouraged me to go and explore. I told him no because that wasnít right I mean he was at my house spending the night but he pushed me to do it. So I went. So he saw me get into a sexy outfit and leave on a date while he waited there for me to return and make sure I was safe. A few weeks later I realized I didnít want to date anyone else and we became exclusive. So recently (and im embarrassed by this) we have been talking dirty during s** saying lets be with another couple or ive told him I would like to watch him be with a girl. Its all fun and games but it kind of sat with me. He has never been the one to bring it up, always me and he plays along. Well a few days ago we went to buy some s** toys and lingerie to have a nice evening and I had setup a meeting with a couple that night (without consulting with him first and a couple I didnít even know by the way) to have some ďfunĒ. I donít know what I was thinking but suggested it anyway. Well he said it was ok and made it seem like no big deal. I felt in the pit of my stomach it might be wrong but we met with them anyway. We didnít end up going through with it and instead we got into a huge fight. So to make things even worse, we went to a bar to get drunk right after fighting and while we were still mad. So we were at the bar and he saw this guy looking at me and my bf who was drunk went over to him and lied and said he was my cousin and that I was interested. So the guy came and hit on me and my bf watched pretending not to be bothered. He was in a very self destructive mood. So he went over to the guyís friends who were girls and flirted with them but kept looking over my way to see what was happening. After, we all got drunk and walked back to their place. Felt like I was in college yet im 30. We ended up playing spin the bottle and I made out with a girl. That girl I made out with, the others were trying to get her to hook up with my bf. The guy that liked me kept flirting and gave me his jacket to wear. I did nothing to stop that. So after we went outside to sit and my bf offered me his jacket and the other guy said no its ok she can wear mine and I took the other guys. So my bf sat there and then out of nowhere leaned over and tried to kiss that other girl infront of me. She declined and nothing happened. I got so upset I ran off crying and didnít know where I was going. My bf called me and went looking for me and we ended up going home. The next day he apologized and said he felt ashamed but the reason he did it was to make me jealous (but wasnít for sure) because of the way I had been lately with suggesting we be with another couple and woman. He told me he doesnít want to hear that during our s** and when we went to the lingerie shop he wanted that to be for us not someone else. He said it made him feel he wasnít good enough. He said he felt small. He also brought up the date I went on that one time. Obviously, it all had bothered him but he never said anything about it. He told me he didnít want to be with anyone else but me and is not ok with a threesome with a girl or other couple. That he wants me only. Now the problem I have is the vision of seeing him leaning over to kiss her. Now he has never made me feel insecure and again never flirted infront of me and I have to admit that I have done that and other stuff. So I understand him feeling small and hurt but still, am I being too nice by forgiving it? I have never tried to kiss or be physical with anyone else. But at the same time, had the tables been turned and he suggested it and pushed for it, I would have been really hurt. So now I donít know what to do. We agreed to forget about it and learn from it but im wondering if I can even move passed it.

posted by sara (age 29) on 12/30/2013 @1:15:12 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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