relationship advice (post new situation)
"Friend with PTSD almost killed me 2X."
I have a friend who is very good to me all year and can be very charming and endearing, but tries to kill me every year on June 24th and blames me, all in a sudden, shock-and-awe, PTSD rage blackout that she claims not to remember afterward.

Last year she tried to push me out of a moving vehicle. I barely stayed in by hanging on. This year's event, same date, same time of day (mid-afternoon) involved garden tools. In exchange for my letting her store a huge amount of her stuff in my garage, she'd agreed last year to help me in my yard. She said she'd do it weekly; in the last 2 Summers she has spent a total of 7 days at most doing it and yelling at me, at my other friends, at her son, and everyone around all the while.

Today, June 24th, as usual, she suddenly went berserk.

Much to my humiliation, one of the paramedics who eventually arrived told me I was a pathetic loser! "You keep on doing this ****," he said in sneering disgust, looking at me lying on the grass after my Gentleman partner phoned 911.

This friend-except-on-June-24th: she will not admit she has a problem. This year she got her son in on it and they put me in the hospital. The hospital tried to involve social services & more, but I declined. They told me I am not safe and I should immediately end the friendship. I know in my heart that's true, but I keep thinking if I could just avoid her each year on June 24th it would solve things. Not so simple: she is a very bossy, take-charge type, and she manages to manipulate things so that she is very much around me when the lethal day and time arrives! No matter what precautions I take they come to naught.

Well, I have a commonlaw and he has a PTSD nightmare day every Sept. 8th, and yes, I dread it, but we've managed, over decades, to get past where he beat me half to death each year. Long past it. Now he doesn't lay a harmful hand on me. He is very protective of me and has done much to atone for his past actions. But he admitted he had a problem and he got help. She won't.

Worse, her son has now sworn vengeance upon me for something I didn't do. He was blowing up my phone with hate texting when I was in the hospital, until the staff made me turn off my phone as it was upsetting me too much. Then there were all her texts!

He claims she told him a wild story about me attacking her! She is six feet tall and muscular; I'm five-one, handicapped, and slight of build. I have no pugilistic skills nor history of violence. Besides that, hasn't he noticed his Mom goes psycho every year on the same day?!!!!

Whatever happened to them, I know that she had a horribly abusive, psychopathic husband who tore her life and her kids' apart long ago. They are all adults now. The one who suddenly turned on me this year was one whom I had been trying to help because he has serious neurological issues. I'm poor but kept giving them things.

Now she claims that as a fundamentalist Christian she needs to set me straight about MY sins! She's starting to make me believe I deserve to die; you see, I have PTSD too, and my way of dealing with rage has been to hurt myself.

I had started to believe I deserved a better life, another job, and to be part of the community. Now - just released from the hospital ED covered in bandages and told to cancel all my appointments and rest for the week, something I can't easily do but will try to - I just don't know.

I have been abused so much, beaten half to death so many times. I had a brutal childhood. I've been set on fire, raped, and even once abducted and tortured, all before the age of 12, and things got worse after that. I'm so sick of it. I tried therapy but just when things seemed to be going well with my therapist, she suddenly started questioning whether I was making up my abuse memories or not. No, I'm not!

But she says she rejects the idea that abuse survivors give off an aura of vulnerability that attracts social predators, and says I need to examine whether I invited it on myself or even just imagined most of it.

No; oh, I wish to God I had imagined it all!

So - about my friend, if I can call her that - what would you do?
posted by Amity (age 50) on 6/25/2014 @2:28:40 AM •
* no advice has been shared.

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