family advice (post new situation)
"Dad's a Jerk. Help! "
I'm a 14 year old boy and my dad is a jerk. He harrasses me a lot. And he says bad things to my sister and mother about me. He hates me so much. I don't know what I did to him. He tells my mom and sister that I'm "a fu--ing idiot and I'm the biggest dumba$$ he ever met." Recently I found out I had depression after several panic attacks at school. My dad says I'm going mentally insane and that I'll "wind up in a mental institution before I reach 20". So he put ME in counciling before I go crazy. My councilor has been trying to help but mostly she just listens. She doesn't give advice. My dad has harrassed me a lot. He calls things I don't like after I tell him to stop. It's gotten the point where I almost commuted suicide. I had a note ready but not the actually action of it figured out. It's also been going around that my dad is BACK to pot. He usues to do it before I was born but I over heard my mom and my uncle talking and it sounded like he's back to POT. It hurts to know this. My dad has always been an alcoholic. If he doesn't drink one day. He is ticked that day. It's just terrible. He's not just a jerk to me. He yells at my mom all the time. They fight a lot. Just last night. Me and my sister got kicked out of the house. My parents fought. And when my sister and I came back in. He left to go to work and mom is crying. It doesn't help they got a 1911 pistol in the house now. He might kill me. I honestly think that. He always gets mad over little jokes and being proven wrong. And he's always wrong about things. He is wrong about us getting more money in the future. Heck sooner or later my family will be living in boxes. We are struging with money. I'm too young to work. And I don't know how to get money flowing in the house. So my dad is stressed because he messed up in school so he is freaking working on bus shelters in the middle of the night! My mom feeds school kids for a living so she is almost at minimum wage. My sister got diagnosed with colitis and I'm with depression and anxiety. I'm doing all I can in school. I'm an A Student. I'm book smart but socially I'm a jerk. People say I act like my dad. I'm really scared for the future. I don't know if I'll even be alive in the next 5 years. Please help me!!
posted by Joe on 7/11/2014 @12:55:08 AM •
Man I know this is an old post, but I'm going to respond anyway. Let me start by saying that I can't relate to what you're going through at all. I had a much different home life. But there are TONS of people out there with similar challenges. I don't know your dad or anything, but I can say I know plenty of people with "crazy" parents. Parents that do bad things. Parents that don't treat their kids like they should. Parents that don't treat anybody like they should. The thing is: it's not your fault. Your dad should be so proud he's got an awesome son that just wants everybody to be happy - not to mention an A Student.

I was always an A Student, and sometimes people thought I was a jerk. I didn't mean it, though. I thought my sarcasm was funny, but it didn't always come out that way. You get that figured out. If you don't want to be a jerk, you won't be. Just treat everybody the way you'd like to be treated.

Man don't be scared about the future. Everything you go through, every trial and struggle, it ALWAYS seems permanent. It ALWAYS seems like there will never be an end to it. It ALWAYS seems like there's no way things will ever get better. But they will.

Maybe you should talk to your mom about how scared you are. Sometimes a mom doesn't know you're suffering until you actually tell her.

I'm rambling now. But hang in there. Talk to your mom. And I'd suggest just being as nice as possible to your dad, just so you don't set him off. It's NOT your fault, but... if you know ways you can prevent his bad your behavior even a tiny bit, I'd prevent it as much as possible. Just remember though: somebody else's horrible behavior is NEVER your fault, THEY choose how to act.
posted by jon on 9/10/2014

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