relationship advice (post new situation)
"Seeing my ex for the first time. "
So I was with this guy for 3 years. We were each others "firsts" and madly in love. Towards the end of our relationship I was becoming very depressed. I wasn't happy with my life and the direction it was going. I was drinking a lot and it made me violent. I was becoming someone I hated and I needed a change. I ended up leaving him because I knew he deserved better. He was someone that was ready to settle down and have babies and I was no where near ready for that. I needed to find myself. I needed time to be alone. I was craving independence.
Over the course of 3 months after the breakup we continued to hook up every now and then. I was still in love with him but I knew we weren't right for each other. Soon we both started to see other people. I got serious with my boyfriend and we moved in together. He got serious with his girlfriend and they got engaged!
It is now 4 years after our breakup. He is married and has a kid of his own. I am very established with my career and happy with the man of my dreams. This weekend my best friend is having her baby shower. My best friend is my ex's sister. He will be there with his new family. I wouldn't be so nervous to see him if his wife didn't hate my guts so openly. She even threw a glass beer bottle at my friends at the bar once because she thought I might be there. I've been told that she's started fake Facebook profiles to view mine. I've never done anything to this woman so I don't know why she has it out for me. His sister did tell me that the ring he used to propose to her was originally bought for me and that if I didn't break up with him when I did he would've proposed 2 weeks later.
A part of me will always wonder what my life would be like if that ring was on my finger. I'm not sure how to act around him at this baby shower. I'm not sure if I should even say anything to him. I'm not in love with him nor would I change the decisions I've made to get me to where I am today. I know I don't want to continue to be the divider between My best friend (his sister) and her family and I sure as hell don't want to cause a scene at the shower! What should I do??
posted by Helpme (age 23) on 9/15/2014 @3:55:04 AM •
First if all, I don't think you should miss the shower. Missing it would probably really hurt your best friend's feelings, no matter the reason. As far as the bad feelings from your ex's wife... there is probably a tiny hint of jealousy, yes; but - if you were pretty rough with him sometimes - she's probably heard a story or two, and she doesn't like that you may have been mean to him. My guess is that neither of them would try to cause a scene at the shower, it'd just be a weird place to do that. And as far as how you talk/treat your ex and his wife... I say you just follow the lead. If they speak, you speak. That way - if there is a chance they could cause a scene - it's much less likely in my opinion. It's gonna be super-awkward, yes. But you'll be there for your friend, and you'll FINALLY check seeing him again off your list, so it won't be this scary, horrible thing you dread for years to come.
posted by jon on 9/16/2014

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