family advice (post new situation)
"Guilty and afraid."
I have a twin sister who's married to a man that she consistently fights with. They're relationship is either good (usually when they're both distracted with something like a video game and completely isolated from other people) or absolutely horrible (when either wants to do their own thing or associates with another living person in any way). I left my job to go and help my sister because she would call me crying and tell me how miserable and lonely she was and how her husband treated her. He always went out by himself, never said anything nice to her (actually did the opposite and made fun of her), cheated on her, never helped her with anything (not even when she was pregnant -- he even went out and partied in a city two hours from where they lived leaving her alone for a whole weekend while she was nine months pregnant), and if he gets just a little mad he starts calling her degrading names and throws/breaks things. When I arrived at where she was (in another state) she didn't want to leave him. I even offered to buy her a plane ticket and at first she said she'd go (after she believed he went to a strip club) but then she wouldn't follow through. Long story short, she hates him then she forgives him then she hates him and she forgives him and it's driving me insane. I've lived with them for six months because he lost his job and they had no place to live so I helped out by paying half rent on a place we could share but I can't do it anymore. Nothing has changed except that they don't fight like how they used to with full on yelling because I said I would call the police on them. The thing is, I'm afraid that when I leave something horrible will happen to her and her year and a half old baby since they've been on the verge of physically fighting several times now (I had to intervene twice). I feel guilty and afraid for wanting to separate myself from their purgatory of a life but I really can't take this anymore. It's driving me crazy and making me incredibly anxious. Worst yet, my sister doesn't seem to recognize anything I've done for her -- thinking that I haven't helped her at all and that everything I've done was someone in self-interest. There's a ton more to this but I would write a book. I need advice. What would anyone else do?
posted by Jessica (age 27) on 1/7/2015 @4:58:46 PM •
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