relationship advice (post new situation)
"Help me breathe please"
Background: I am 40, I left an abusive relationship after 20, and it's left me cautious, experiencing anxiety attacks randomly but not often, and scared. I am seeing a counselor and working on making myself stronger and more able to advocate for myself. I'm a national trainer for DOD, DOL, DOC, and states and advocate for veterans in need of work, and I'm capable of caring for myself.

Situation: I met a wonderful man almost 3 months ago. We immediately clicked and became inseparable. I felt safe with him, was beginning to truly understand trust in a relationship. Things were going so well, he started buying me expensive items like a new living room suit, tv and sound bar, and a new faucet. I was scared by the gifts because I didn't want him to think I wanted his money. Really, I just want him. He has allowed me to be me and liked me. So, a week ago he was coming back from a business trip and he said he was thinking about the "grander things in life" and said he needed space because he was overwhelmed (has to sell his house and find a new place to live, is still acclimating to a new position in his company and his boss has been difficult, still hasn't received paperwork from his divorce although it was finalized). He said he feels we are moving too fast and he didn't want me to expect a diamond tomorrow. I really don't. I was just enjoying being me with him and just resting. He had begun the rushing early on and I didn't oppose it. He's met my kids and they love him. He says he wants to still talk and see each other, and that we are still girlfriend/boyfriend, and for me to keep the key to his house. I told him I would give him his space for as long as needed.

Fear: This is the first relationship I've had since my ex. I'm scared to death to lose this feeling I've had with him and being able to love him and his sweet face. I know he's hurting. I was contacting him as he said via text once or twice a day (good morning/good evening). I received no response yesterday and I am not going to continue to contact him as if I'm desperate or needy. I do want him and would like the ride to continue, but I'm scared to death. Please help me see.
posted by Heather (age 40) on 1/23/2015 @12:17:18 PM •
* no advice has been shared.

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