relationship advice (post new situation)
"Boyfriend wants to adopt his neice"
My boyfriend is currently furious at me, and I don't know how to handle this situation. We have lived together for 2 years, and right now, his niece is going through a hard time. She is 11 years old, and she has a very rough family situation. Her father is in jail and her mother is not really fit to raise children. Lately, she has been acting out, refusing to eat, and even talking about hurting herself. She lives in California, with the rest of my boyfriends family. We live in Tennessee.
My boyfriend wants to adopt her. We are 30 years old, and I pay the majority of the rent and supplement our bills. I asked him if he was financially able to do this, and he got furious. I feel as though he's not asked me to marry him and I still handle most the financial burden currently. I understand his situation, but I feel there may be better options for her as his feet are not quite on the ground yet. Being as we are unmarried, I do not necessarily want to financially nursed myself to care for three people that I have no real obligation to. If she had no other options it would be a different story, but he has four other siblings.
He says I am selfish and only want to help myself. I feel hurt and unsure what to do. This man hasn't made a commitment to me yet, and he wants me to be fully accepting of caring for a young girl. I feel worried for her but I also feel like it would be a large strain on me to raise a child with someone who can't commit to me or pay his own bills on time.
He is a wonderful man, getting his education while working a factory job. I have a professional career and I have worked hard to get financially stable. I have no animosity towards him, but I just don't want to be the one taking on the responsibility for his generosity.
posted by Michaela (age 30) on 9/6/2015 @1:58:03 PM •
I have a lot of respect for him to be willing to step up in that little girls life. Don't make a child suffer because you want a commitment. If that little girl was from a previous relationship...would you still be with him?
posted by mary (age 35) on 9/25/2015

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