family advice (post new situation)
"torn between my dreams and my duties"
I am 23, I am a guy, I live in India. When I was done with high school I wanted to pursue higher education abroad. But my parents said no primarily because they were unsure of me being able to cut it so far away from home. In the end I relented and agreed to studying here. Then afterwards I wanted to choose humanities but my parents insisted I go for Medicine. So I got into one of India's best private medical college on my own merit and I tried to finish my studies.

But as the years went by my grades suffered and my attendance plummeted. I had little interest in pursuing the degree and, yes, I acted very irresponsibly. I got into the wrong crowd, started getting dependent on alcohol and gained a lot of weight. I smoked like a chimney and was almost into drugs and stuff but fortunately didn't. I messed up. And I know what I did was wrong. And I am deeply sorry for it. So I got rid of my habits.

However now I am too far behind to start making up with my batch mates in attendance and academics. I had to attend classes with students who joined later than me and I was labeled a casual student. I sunk deeper into depression and almost killed myself over all this. I couldn't talk to my parents because I couldn't bear seeing them disappointed by me.

But after that episode I gathered my wits together and I head back home. I confessed everything to my parents. Needless to say they were disappointed. And they have every right to be because I acted irresponsibly.

So now they want me to continue the course and finish the job. It would take at the minimum one year to do it. This is not counting a year of internship I will have to do anyways. So in short I will have to spend two more years in a place I didn't want to go and absolutely dread going back to.

I dread because, well, it broke me. I broke me down to the core of who I was. I used to be a happy cheerful person. But this place pushed me to the edge of killing myself and destroying the lives of everyone close to me. Even now I feel jittery at the mere thought of going back there.

The environment there I had immersed myself in was so toxic that the mere thought of getting out of there gave me a glimmer of hope and helped grab onto something to put my life back on track. Since I decided to leave the place I have lost several kilos, I have quit smoking, and have gone teetotal. Idk if it makes sense but the idea of quitting that place and moving on with my life gave me the strength I needed to deal with my self-destructive tendencies. No, I want to live; I don't want to die.

And I am almost certain that if I go back to that medical college and If I have to deal with that place again I will just break down again. I don't want to be an empty husk.

I want to live here for the time being, start a small business and in the middle of 2016 start going to college again with the money from my business. Its basically a dairy farm business. Its simple and easy and not complicated at all. We already have cows and people who look after cows. I just want to manage that and expand it for the time being while I recover and recuperate and heal my psyche. This will allow me a degree of financial independence and will allow me to move on with my life. My step-father always loves pointing out how much money I waste and I think this might help me not have to deal with him anymore, financially that is.

I don't even need my parents money for it. They have some money, a very meagre amount of their entire fortune stashed away in a savings account for me. I only wish to use part of it for expanding the dairy business. Either ways the amount I am asking for is a lot less than that will be spent in fees and expenses in keeping me in the college and finish the course.

I don't even want to practice medicine. I don't like it, its not my thing. I would rather research and discover new drugs and I would definitely love to teach students, something which I originally wanted to do. I love teaching and have the skill and aptitude for it.

But they are dead set on having me return to the college and finish my course. And get that 'Dr.' in front of my name For them it will be just a year or two that I spend there. For me it will just be so much worse. I will be constantly reminded of all my mistakes and it will be difficult for me to cope and move on and get on with fixing my life. It will just feel like too much to handle honestly.

I don't really get why my parents want to put me through such emotional trauma only because people in the wider society and the extended family will think less of me for dropping out of a course. A course I did not want in the first place. People may snigger now at our family but if end up successful they surely will thing twice before doing so openly. And honestly, people will at the very east rudely stare whether you are a saint or a sinner. That's just how it is. And now my step-father wont talk to me, wont even come visit me. My mother keeps feeling dejected and lost. Today she told me that I was a disappointment.

Really? A disappointment? I did not want to get into the course and you asked me and I did. I admit I made a mistake by getting messed up but I got rid of my addictions myself. There must be millions of parents who wouldn't wish that their children got themselves rid of their addictions. And yet they tell me that I am the same as a guy we know who ended up a wife-beater, cheat and a drunkard.

I am just hopelessly torn between giving into to my parents wishes once again and standing up for myself. Is it too much to ask to be allowed to make one decision in life in which I make from my own free will? Am I so incapable of rational thought and decision making?

If anyone of you can help me please do. I don't know if I want advice or just someone to talk to. I am just drained after weeks of going through this with my parents, and of weeks of being told by everyone under the sun what a disappointment I am. And I know my parents are tired and hurt too. I just don't wish to hurt them, but it seems the only way not to hurt them is by hurting myself enough to break me. Please help.

Thank you...
posted by T (age 23) on 12/4/2015 @4:38:22 AM •
* no advice has been shared.

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