family advice (post new situation)
"Family and Finance"
I'm a college student, dependent on financial aid. Last semester, my mom was moving to my town and needed help to get a moving truck. She asked me to take out my largest student loan and promised to help me pay it back. I figured, well, she has a job that pays really well and she's wasting money paying for several storages to house all her junk long distance. Might be cheaper to help her out. So, I took out some loan money to help.
She noticed that my option for that loan was much larger than what I gave her, which was a lot. So, this semester, I'll be getting the rest of that loan.
My mom was diagnosed with Uterine Cancer over the summer, and has been battling it since. Her appointments are with a doctor about four hours away b/c there are none nearby. She had to stop working, so she has no income. Her only money is from my grandmother every month (in hopes that she'll just move to her so it's easier).
Now, on top of all her health issues, she's become desperate for dental work. Adults here don't get dental insurance for cheap, let alone free. So, she's asked me for the rest of my student loan to pay for her dental work.
To be fair, she's had a hard life. I want to take care of her. I know her teeth have been bothering her for about 7 years, now. But, is it selfish of me to want my own money to spend or save as I please? She lives with me, and if I say no flat out and heartless, I'll never hear the end of how her pains are my doing. Or how I'm greedy and selfish with money. She and my sister talk behind my back sometimes about how I have all this "money" laying around to spend on myself and my daughter b/c I never pitch in at home.
I am really good with money. I don't spend on dumb things, I don't have a shopping addiction like my sister, or a spoiling addiction to my offspring like my mom. She talked me into adding her to my credit card list years ago when I got it, so it would help her credit as I made payments. I felt it was harmless enough, until she decided to use my credit card "a few times" for gas and fast food. And then, my credit card was stolen. That, with the student loan (and the fact that she will probably never help pay it back) have damaged my credit and my faith in lending anything to anyone.
My plan is to talk with my school about reversing the loan or redirecting it to my lender instead of my bank account. That way, it'll go back to them and count as a payment. Win win. The problem is: How do I tell my mom that I either didn't get the loan, so she's more confused than mad; or that I simply put all the money elsewhere, which will give me an everlasting earful of how I'm stingy?
To be honest, before she asked about it, I was going to save all that money to move back home to CA. But, now I can't because if she sees me spending any of it, she'll know I have it. I do feel bad for her situation, being a single mom of three little kids, living with her daughter, thriving off of her mom, and not being cleared to work. But, as much as I'd like to help, I still want to think about my future. I don't want my helping her screw up my financial future. I too have a child to think about. I too am a single parent. My child's father left us. I'm putting myself through college, working, parenting, and paying bills without any help (save for what she uses from my grandmother).
I just don't know how to deal with this without reaping terrible consequences. I do have to see her every day. And she's a grudge holder.
Any advice helps, seriously! Thanks for reading.
posted by Amanda (age 23) on 1/8/2016 @1:05:12 AM •
* no advice has been shared.

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