relationship advice (post new situation)
"ex b//f:compulsive liar"
so i was with this guy for the most part of a year and a half. he was my other half and i couldnt let him go, even when he did stupid things lyk gte arrested. occasionally people tried to tell me he was unfaithful but i never allowed myself to believe it. if id leave him he literally cry and sulk to me till i came back. the last time this happened was when i found out he had a g//f when he had told me he didnt. we were physical and pretty much together w/out the title. after finding out he had a g/f he claimed to have broken up with her for me, until i found that once again he had lied and was still with her and HAD BEEN for quite some time. my trouble now is that the days feel so empty w/out his presence and i just need some kind of way of knowing how exactly to move on. do i start dating someone else? do i try to make peace with him even though he hurt me so much? HELP!!
posted by MB (age 17) on 3/3/2008 @12:40:19 PM •
do date other people & don't worry about making 'peace' right now, he should apologize to you. you did nothing wrong <3
posted by notorious on 3/3/2008
try moveing on.. if will be hard but you have to do it there is someone better for you and that wont lie to you trust me i have been though this with my ex and i found the one person that has wonted to be with when i was 14 he waited for me and i couldn't be any happyer you will find that one person you are meant to be with
posted by allie (age 17) on 3/3/2008
Just try to forget about him. I know it wont be easy but it's for the best.Wait awhile before you start dating again too.
posted by Kevin on 3/3/2008
Don't try to make peace with him. If he cared about you that much, he wouldn't have cheated or blackmailed you. I would say a formal "hi", once in a while, but rather then that just steer clear of him. My advice is that you should find a guy just as good as him, and sweeter and more faithful.
posted by Casey on 3/3/2008
Hey MB,
I am so sorry that you have to go through this kind of situation. Its not fun, hard, and I see it happen so much. My heart breaks for you and anyone else who has it happen because matters of the heart are so sensitive. These kind of guys are the type girls want to steer clear of. So, when reading this paragraph, i see authority issue *arrested*, needy and manipulative *if id leave him he literally cry and sulk to me till i came back.*, lying and looks like he made you dependent on him, which goes back to the manipulation.

You have to ask yourself this question: "are these the qualities I want in a guy?" The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

THESE are the qualities you should be looking for, not just someone to be with. This is what we, as humans, inherently seek and society says that we have to fulfill that want with whatever we can find, satisfying for whatever we do find. This is not how it should be at all! God has amazing plans for you MB!

er 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

His plan does not include being lied to and all of the other things this guy has done to you. My advice would be to steer clear of this guy, keep a look out for guys with the qualities described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and to use one more Bible verse :Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

I'm praying for you MB.
posted by Joe (age 18) on 3/3/2008
girl guys usually play like this to see which girl actually takes more bull you or her i think if she knows she is in the same posiition as you than if she dosen't know im sorry for her. i told this to mi ex im never gonna be your friend and im never going to forgive you i value myself more than you do to yourself and i warranty you that he's goign to be begging you but you have to be strong about this and tell him you know what im waiting for this one guy that is better than you so can you please leave love love marlen akaorange gossip girl
posted by marlen (age 19) on 3/3/2008
well you have to frogive him you dont have to talk to him or even be his friend but in some way you have to forgive him or youll never be able to move on. I dont suggest dating anyone else until you move on, because if you do youll just end up hurting that person.

Love Always,
posted by Christina (age 18) on 3/3/2008
my largest piece of advice for you is to go hang out with friends to avoid thinking of a guy that treated you so bad which he did. i am a guy so i get rights to say that he was worse then anything for a girl and what is more is he not only lied to you but he used you for his own physical pleasure so my absolute largest piece of advice is still to go hang out with friends or leave the general vicinity where he is when you can (espetially weekends) if you live at home and stay at friends or family members and youll forget about that lozer in no time at all.

you are welcome to send me an e-mail at anytime that you think you want someone else to talk too.

posted by Kiyoshi Ronin Knight on 3/3/2008
hey umm.. yeah just try to make peace with him my ex ddi the same thing which we were enagged and at the time i was 4 moths wwith his baby girl which after i found out he was cheating on me i felt really hurt and depress ddint eat for weeks and yeah had a miscarage wish i havent had one but yeah it ok... i have time... my parents always say there is always someone else out therre way better
posted by susan (age 18) on 3/3/2008
well you have to forgive him or you will never be able to move on. and you will campare every guy you date to him if you dont move on. trust me you do not want that. comparing ur curent bf to an ex bf is the worst thing you can do. but after you find a way to forgive him (whith does not me you have to talk to him or be frinds with him) you will feel a lot better. but i dont advice you date anyone untill you do so cuz they would just be a rebond guy and get hurt in the end.
posted by christina (age 18) on 3/3/2008
Okay, I've been there. I dated a guy for about a year and it was perfect....everything was so right. Then things got crazy when we started getting physical. I noticed we were fighting more and I was clingy and offensive and he was quiet and distant. I didn't realize how bad it was until we broke up. I cried for months afterwards. I had given him something I couldn't have back, and I knew it was gone! I found out he'd been cheating on me for the last 4months we were dating...and it tore me up inside even more. BUT that is when I found a true happiness. God. I gave everything to Him and I'm at peace. I don't wish to date just because I could. I want to find someone special. This past year being single has really opened my eyes. My advice for you is to not find another guy, but to find the Lord and find yourself. You are something without this guy, so find yourself! I hope all goes well! I'll be praying!
posted by Candace on 3/3/2008
Take some time for yourself. It sounds like this guy isn't going to change and if you go back to him, it's like saying it's okay to cheat on you and IT IS NOT! You are worth someone who will love you and only you.
Don't jump into another relationship right away. You've probably heard that before, but it's true. It's better to think about what you want in a relationship, give yourself time to feel everything you will about what he did to you and then move on.
I don't know if this helps or not, I hope so.
Good luck with it.
posted by Denise (age 37) on 3/3/2008
my advice comes from age

although i agree with most of the preceding advice, i don't believe you ever have to forgive others. if they suck, cut 'em loose. the only person you ever really have to forgive is yourself. you are a person who deserves respect and if he isn't really sorry, you shouldn't really forgive him. he doesn't pay your rent--you owe him nothing!

now, about moving on... i agree you should go out with your friends. but also, blaze your music, go dancing, do a whole book of sudoku puzzles--whatever makes you really happy. keep making yourself happy, and guys will be so attracted to you you'll have to ask them wait in line. just make sure you keep going out there where the guys are. they're not going to magically appear in your livingroom. and even if you don't meet another guy tomorrow, you'll be too busy being happy to give a sh*t. it will be time well spent on the most important person in your life... YOU!
posted by the motherstation (age 41) on 3/4/2008
if he lied your better off with out him and you don't need to lose any sleep over him at all you tried to make it work he didn't his loss end of story to put it bluntly
posted by Moses (age 18) on 3/4/2008
thank u so much guys!! u have no idea the strength that so much care from even a stranger can do! it really took a weight off to know that im not the only one thats been through this type of thing, and that eventually this will pass and only make me stronger. my greatest thanks to those of who with prayers for me, and i hope you all are living well. thank u again for your time and your kindness <3
posted by mb (age 16) on 3/5/2008

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