family advice (post new situation)
"death in the family"
my grandads suffered with cancer for over 9 months, he passed away on the 9th march. The funeral was really upsetting. im ok now, ive realised life goes on, but my mom is distraught she's really un happy, and doesn't want to do anyhing. im worried she'll become ill
and depressed. i kno everyone has to cope with the loss off ppl in their lives, i've tried talkin to her but i just don't seem to help.

has any1 else been in the same situation?
posted by lilly (age 18) on 3/22/2008 @7:52:50 AM •
Hey sweetie.First and Foremost, I am soo sorry you lost your Grandpa. Unfortunately I had to go thru the SAME thing. My Grandma passed away in August of 2006 and my Grandpa not even 6 months later from leukemia. He was one of the strgonest men ANYONE would have ever met and we didn't even know he had cancer until AFTER Grandma passed away. My mom also, was VERY unhappy and was almost on the verge of suicide but she got through by going to talk to someone. (family doctor) It didn't happen till about a good month or so after his death, but she did it. The doctor put her on some anxiety and depression pills and she has been on them since... Now, your mom HOPEFULLY wasn't as stubborn as my mom to say that she didn't need help right away... and hopefully your mom admits that she needs some kind of something to just kind of lift her spirits and make the pain less... not go away completly but, just make it less. And maybe that's not the answer for your mom.. maybe all she needs is time.. For some people that's all it takes.
If you have ANY questions at all PLEASE do not feel shy.. Contact me and I will help in any way possible. Stay strong sweetie.
posted by Amanda (age 20) on 3/24/2008
Yes i lost my step grandfather from cancer. We where so depress that we did what ur mom did But i realize that my step grandfather wants us to move on and put our head up high. Walk away and go for your dreams bc that love one would always will be right by your bed side and in your heart. Explain to your mom that your grandfather wont be happy if ur upset and he will always be in heart. Please Dont get depress bc i need you to i dont want to lose you. That what you said to her
posted by margaret (age 18) on 3/24/2008
yes i have been. i have lost both of my granmothers to cancer and heart disease. my dads mom died when i was only two and i can remember him just sitting around. im pretty sure that after the funeral he never wanted to even move. and about two weeks later he started coaching a soccor team to get his mind off of it. so i think the solution would be to find something your mom loves and try to do it with her.
posted by logan (age 14) on 3/24/2008
dear lilly,
i know waht u r going threw. my dad died on dec. 22 2007. and the loss of someone u love i the worst thing any one will have to go threw. my mom acted the same way after my dad died. ur mom right now jsut needs to know that u r there for her and everyday just give her a hug and tell her u love her. she needs to know she has u in her corner right now. she needs to feel safe again. u need to try to get her to do some of her normal things she used to do before ur grandpa died. get her back in to her old routine again. just simply ask her to go to the store with u or go here or there with u n if she says no just be like come on please it will do u good to get out. so i hope i have helped u .

posted by Chelsea (age 18) on 3/24/2008
My grandma passed away from a heart attack, my freshman year of high school and both my mom and I were very close to her. We both delt with depression over our loss. It took us a long time to get used to it, u never really fully get over that person you love being gone. My mom found it helpful to sit down by herself and write letters to my grandma on how she felt and what was goin on in her life. then she would put them all in a minilla envelope every time she needed to talk to her. i think it helps alot to write about things that you are feeling or even just talk to someone about it even if they dont have feedback its always good to get it off your chest.
I hope i helped u atleast a little bit. if you need someone to talk to feel free to email me.
posted by Andrea (age 20) on 3/24/2008
Well, like you said, everyone has to cope with the loss of people in their lives. And I know you've probably heard this a million times, but now he IS is a better place. A place where he no longer has to hurt. My father died when I was 6 years old. He committed suicide and I found him dead. And I think what really helped me have closure over 12 years later was realizing that no matter what happens to us, you can take a situation when you feel like you can't go on and turn it into something beautiful. Instead of living in spite of his death, remember him for who he was. And it will take a LONG time to "heal" but I've also found that after experiencing such a traumatic event, you can help so many people by sharing your own story. And by letting them know that there is someone who understands their pain. So, my advise is to just pray that God will help you heal. Be strong, and when life gets tough look to the man upstairs for advise, strength, wisdom and courage. Sometimes when I'm feeling weak and vulnerable, I just make my mind up that I'm going to be strong and not let anything get me down. And it's not always easy but you're never walking alone.... God will always be there....
posted by Leigha (age 21) on 3/24/2008
hey. im sorry for the lost of your grandpa. i went through the same thing about two years ago; and i know you have to miss him your whole family does. and all you have to do is be there for your mom, and help her see how he was in so much pain and was hurting 24-7 and there was nothing to do to help him and that he is in a better place where he can watch over you and your family without being in pain.
posted by rach. on 3/30/2008

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