relationship advice (post new situation)
"Where do I turn?"
Well I hope this isnt too deep for anyone. I have been in my relationship for a little over 2 years. We have had our ups and our downs. Lately I have seen my boyfriend's drug problems escalate and it has become an every weekend thing. At least one night during the weekend he gets drunk and decides he wants to sniff some cocaine. Now we have tried counseling and I have tried to just deal with it. He wont change until he is ready to change. You see my problem is that Im considered a co-dependent and Im not exactly sure what I am supposed to do. If I leave I will have no car, no license and no home. I dont want to be a burden on my brother or my parents. I cant just quit my job and move away and expect everything to be ok. I dont know what to do, I cant take anymore and frankly Im depressed a lot. I love him so much and I would do anything for that man. Its pretty pathetic, I am not who I used to be. But we do have some really good times together and I know he doesnt intend on hurting me. He has a problem and I want to fix him. I know I cant though........This sucks. I dont want to loose him, but I dont want to live the rest of my life a nervous wreck.
I dont know where to go and how do you look at the person you are in love with and tell them that you cant be with them anymore??
posted by Lauren (age 21) on 3/24/2008 @7:29:47 AM •
hunny i know exxaaaacccttllyy what your talking about! i moved in with my boyfriend, danny, when i was 15. he is my everything! we use to party on the weekends, but now for him it is an everyday thing! only when he gets messed up, he get very abbusive. phisacly, and verbaly. i have learned to live with it, or blame it on myself, to cover for him. but like you, i have nothing waiting for me if i left. i have no parents or brothers to bother for help even if i wanted to! my best advise to you is give him an ultermatim. if he loves you, he'll change his ways for you, if he dosent think your worth it, at least you know and you can move on with your life. i know its hard to walk away from someone you love, because it took 5 years for me to walk away. you cant make him do anything he dosent want to, but he should want to, for you, if he loves you. so test his love, see if he is worth what your going threw for him. if he dosent prove his love, you will still hesatate to let it go, trust me i know, but do what is best for you, afterall he proved he dosent want your help, so you cant help him.. the best thing to do is is the right thing for you! theres nothing left to do.
check out my story, you'll see what i mean
good luck hunny
i feel you and i really hope everything works out for you,
and for your man
posted by hallie! (age 19) on 3/24/2008
Hey Lauren,
Looking in the eyes of the man you love and telling them that they are hurting you and you cannot take it anymore is one of the hardest things to do. Trust me I know! I had been dating Justin for a little over a year and we were engaged. He did not do drugs or anything like that but he was hurting me emotionally. He started pulling away from me and just acting like I did not exist and finally I just had to tell him like it was. I did not know what had caused him to act that way but after church one day I told him to meet me at the park. I loved this man with all my heart and was so nervous because telling him goodbye could either be permanent or help our realtionship. I told him how I felt and how he was treating me and also what other people saw too. I told him that I loved him more than anything but I cannot marry a man who will treat me like this. I handed him my ring and I was bawling. Crying like I had never cried before. I drove off and we didn't talk to each other for a few days. Then he called me and told me he was so sorry for the way he acted. I still didn't take him back right away and we worked on things. The good news is once he realized how bad he had hurt me he was so remorseful and did and complete turn around. He is now my husband and is the best husband any woman can ask for. He provides for me and respects me. All I can say is that I did what was best for me and that helped him realize what his priorites were. You don't want someone in your life that is hurting you and hurting themseleves. My mom is a drug abuser and I have wanted her to get on her feet for so long but it hasn't happend yet and I decided to not talk to her anymore because she was hurting me and I told her that I cannot deal with someone like that. Just do what is right for you and things will work out the way they are supposed to. Your boyfriend needs to make that decision for himself and only himself. Keep your chin up! God loves you and he never gives you more than you can handle. Always remember that.
posted by Danielle (age 20) on 3/24/2008

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