life advice (post new situation)
"I'm gunna lose everything.."
My name is Michelle...I'm 18 years old. I have a 5 month old beautiful baby girl. Her father is a jerk...and is trying to do everything to ruin my life. We were together for 2 years and finally broke up. He didn't want to accept it. Now I met someone new, and he can't accept that either. He was an abusive boyfriend, even when I was pregnant with our child. Now he wants to file for full custody and make up all these lies about me, and just threatening me and harassing me...and now he's dating one of my old friends...But I'm perfectly happy with who I'm with and my situation. I just want him to be in his daughter's life. I don't want him to walk out on her. I can't force him to be in her life...he loves her so much tho. But he feels that it would be too hard for him to deal with me for the rest of his life. What do I do?
posted by Michelle (age 18) on 3/24/2008 @7:37:43 AM •
Hey michelle,

I am sorry to hear about this. In these situations it is hard to look at things from both perspectives. I would say that the reason why he was abusive and protective is that he was not happy with what he has done with his life. He must have though that you were the best thing that ever happened to him. When you two broke up, that must have hurt him very badly. There is no dought in my mind that he loves your baby and you. There is also that there is no dought that you two needed to get out of a relationship that would have put the baby in a hostile enviroment.

My advice to you Michelle, is that you should talk to him (over the phone if that makes you more comfortable) and discuss what you two can do to share custody of the girl. If you can keep you cool and have him stay calm and listen, this is when you would talk about joint custody, hopefully with you getting the majority. But this would keep the girl in both your lives. Then by talking to him about the girl and allowing him to realize that you aknolage that he is the father and you still want him in your baby's life. This should get him off your back.

This conversation will get emotional, so, try your best to keep your wits, think about your daughter and the fact that you dont want her to grow up not knowing her dad.
posted by Lee (age 19) on 3/24/2008
Wow, reading this is exactly what Im going through. I completely understand that you want him to be in your daughter's life, but sometimes that is just not an option. I have a 2 year old boy with a guy and he's finaly talking about signing away his parental rights. I have mixed feelings about it, because I do want my son to know him, but things are very difficult and in the long run it will be better for my baby if Justin just leaves. He called CPS on me accusing me of being on drugs, my boyfriend of selling drugs and abusing me and my son. Which NONE of the acusations are true. He's made things absolutely horrible and if we continue fighting my son will grow up to hate both of us. I would hate it if that happend to you too.
posted by Nicole (age 21) on 3/29/2008

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