family advice (post new situation)
 
 
"Brother-in-need"
 
I have a brother who has 3 children and was recently divorced. My brother had a pretty severe accident while at work years ago and hurt his back really bad, twisting his spine all out of wack. He has been on opiods and painkillers ever since for the pain, he still needs them, but is also extremely addicted to them. He has lost function below the waist and is not able to perform, which is one of the reasons for the divorce..among others. He is in an extremely depressive state.

He was living with his ex wife's mother up until recently when she kicked him out. His ex-wife has full custody of the children, however, she takes them to school every morning and drops them off after school but that is it. Although she has full custody, the children are with their dad 90% of the time. She wanted full custody and it was not even going to be a battle because of the situation my brother is in, and he did not fight it. We are guessing that he probably told his ex-wife he would take care of them all the time, so that way she would not try to keep them from him.

Above all other things, my brother loves his children and I honestly believe they are the only reason he is still alive today.

However, we,(the rest of the family) feel that his ex-wife only wants the child support check, while being able to run free and never have any responsibility for her kids. My brother had to move in with his dad, but with the children being their 24/7, that is 4 new people that just up and moved into a house. His dad recently told him that they cannot stay in that situation forever. He came to our mother, basically asking if he can live there, but she feels the same way. She should not have to take in him and his four kids while his ex-wife who has full custody never has her kids whatsoever and runs free partying, among other things.

However, my family just does not know how to approach this situation. We do not know all the facts, because my brother lies to us and does not tell us everything, partly because he feels guilty and embarrassed, partly because of the painkillers his is on. We obviously know that his drug problem is the biggest issue and the one that probably should be tackled first, but we just do not know how to go about it. My mom feels like **** for not just taking him in but also does not feel like it is the right thing to do. My brother is scared to death to tell his ex-wife that she needs to start taking more responsibility for the kids, because she is the type of person that will end up saying that he cannot see them at all anymore, and that is his biggest fear.

My mom called me this morning just scared for my brothers life. He is so depressed and just doesn't know what to do, and he is not really capable to do much. We just do not even know where to begin. It is our fault that we let it get this far without stepping in earlier, but we really want to step in now to try to save my brothers life.

If anyone has any advice on how to approach this situation, that would be great.


 
posted by Tom (age 28) on 1/16/2018 @9:06:33 AM •
 
* no advice has been shared.


 
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