relationship advice (post new situation)
I'm only 19, and I have a 9 month old son, his father was my "high school sweetheart" I guess you could say, I met him my 9th grade year and we dated on and off untill my Senior year when I got pregnant, he was there the whole time, he moved in with me, was being the man he was supposed to be, up untill just about a month ago, we were together, and he was in his childs life everyday, and then he decided to go behind my back with another girl, who he now lives with, and I know things are going to have to come to the point where both of us have to accept that the other person is going to be with someone else if we're not going to be together but heres my problem, when he was here, he never spent much time with our son, he doesnt have the patients to be a father, if he couldnt get the baby calmed down or to go to sleep he'd get frustrated, and on occasion tell him to shut up, never in the sence where he would yell at him scream or anything, never crossed my mind he might hurt my son.. and he would help me if I'd ask him to, but I done most of it, the feeding, changing,clothing everything, so it didnt really hurt me any when he left but now its where he wants to keep him on the weekends, and it scares me.. of course mainly cause I dont know whats going on, I dont know what the envirmonets like at this new girls place, and I dont know how she is, but.. that and my mom, any time I even mention him keeping our son she flipps out, she acts like hes her son, she tells me what I should do and I cant stand it, we fight like theres no tomorrow, I try to reason with her, keep my cool, but she keeps on and on and on.. and finally I cant anymore and just blow up.. - what should I do.. cause I dont want to keep my son away from his father and I'm not going to ask him to come to my parents house to see him knowing that all their doing is judging him.. its rediculous to me, and how am I supposed to deal with my mother?
posted by Jennifer (age 19) on 3/27/2008 @7:02:28 PM •
As far as the father goes you are right to not want to keep him away from his son but as a mother I can see where your concern comes from. There really is no way to get passed this except to let him have the baby for the weekend. Just ask him if you can come over and check out the place before his first visit so you know everything is safe. As for your mother you need to sit down with her calmly and let her know, without raising your voice, that having this baby means that you need to start maturing and that part of that means making the big decisions that come with parenthood whether they are right or wrong. She needs to know that doing this is your first step of taking control of the situation and that you will be watching very closely to see if anything goes wrong and if it does YOU will take immediate action. You can let her know you are in control without being rude or yelling. Good luck and I hope everything goes well.
posted by Jessica (age 19) on 4/6/2008

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