relationship advice (post new situation)
"Leave him?"
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months. He had 3 other good friends that were very jealous of me because I got most of his time now instead of them getting him to vandalize stuff. The three of them decided to start vandalizing my car and house, and also my boyfriend. Well, after a while, my mom got very mad and called the cops. This just pissed them all of more, so then they started stalking me. They once stalked me out of town, so I called the cops and they went in for questioning. My boyfriend has stopped talking to the two girls, but one guy happens to be the ex-drummer of his band, and they still talk. This guy continues to talk crap about me and torment me. Never before have I told my boyfriend to stop talking to any of them no matter what they did, but now I feel like I can't handle any more of this crap. I love my boyfriend more than anything, but I don't know how much longer I can handle this kid trying to ruin me and embarass me, and it's only going happen if my boyfriend continues to talk with him. I don't want to tell him who he can and can't talk to and hang out with, but I don't want to lose him because of his ****ty friends. What should I do.
posted by Sara (age 16) on 3/28/2008 @7:51:07 PM •
your young for one. and for two hes obviosuly making your life miserable. would you rather be with him and maybe get killed or would you rather move on and meet new people. your 16 your going to meet so many people. if you enjoy drama stay with him if you dont then walk away now while its still early no matter how attacthed you are if its meant to be that bad then he will come back.
posted by brittany (age 18) on 4/8/2008
Hi, personally your boyfriend should want to stop talking to this jerk without you saying anything to him..if he loves you like you obviously love him he should tell his 'mate' to back off or their friendship is over...
If your boyfriend refuses to give up his friend then Im afraid I wouldnt bother with him hunnie...
Hope it all works out for you...xXx
posted by Sarah (age 21) on 4/8/2008
Okay hun, here's what you do. Talk to your boyfriend honestly about how you feel about this situation. If he truely understands, then maybe you two should take some time off. There should still be a chance for a possible reconnection later on in a friendship, if you two still love eeachother. True love conquers all, and if you let it take it's course, good things should come. Don't continue with a relationship that makes you infuriated, and feel completely helpless. Get out of that relationship until everything settles down again, and like I said before, if you two still feel something later on within a close friendship, THEN consider taking things back to the way they were. That's all the help I can offer, because I've been in the same position and I'm back with my boyfriend. I hope all goes well.
posted by Marie (age 18) on 4/8/2008
This is what I think. Since the relationship is new.. tell him how you feel. Tell him that it hurts you to go through what they are putting you through. I know you dont wanna make him chose between his friends or you.. but at this point you are going to have to. They can'r keep doing this to you. This is NO WAY to treat ANYONE no matter how jealous they are. It doesn't sound like the RIGHT thing to do.. and hell, it may not even FELL right.. but your boyfriend needs to realize that you are NO dog and you will NOT be treated like one. YOU, my dear, need to stick up for yourself... And that brings me to another way of solving this problem.
You can leave him.. He is obviously not doing anything to make this stop, and if anything, he may in antaginizing it all... It IS early into the relationship.. and if you are feeling to the point of no return that you are even considering leaving him.. then do it.. and I know you have heard this 1 million times over, but you know its true as well, there are PLENTY of more fish in the sea.

Hope I helped! ;)
posted by Amanda (age 20) on 4/8/2008
i think you should eithier let your bf know how you feel about all the crap his friend is putting you through, or you need to leave him. if you love him and he loves you, you need to talk with him and let him know that his friend is starting to really hurt you emotionaly. if he loves you he will sit listen and take your love for him into account and all the pain that your feeling.
posted by dillon (age 21) on 4/8/2008
ok, you should tell your boyfriend how you feel.
afterall, a boyfriend is supossed to be there for you right?

let him know what's happening and how you feel embarassed and harassed by this guy, and you feel like he's trying to hurt your reputation or something.

his friend is being very disrespectful to you. is your boyfriend going to put up with that?

if so then maybe you shouldn't put up with this boyfriend.
posted by hope (age 19) on 4/8/2008
hey i think you should sit him down and talk to him about it and tell him that you cant take it any longer.. and tell him that he has to do something about it or you are gone... i know how you feel i went through the same stuff with my ex fience... i was with him for 3 years.. and honey dont go through it that long.. just do what is in your heart...

posted by kimberly (age 19) on 4/8/2008
This is really difficult. For a start it's bang out of order for these people to trash you house and car and talk crap about you and it shouldn't be allowed to happen. You should talk to your boyfriend about what's going on, if he's willing to tell his friends to stop being such arseholes then he clearly cares about you and is a definate keeper, if he just lets it keep happening then he isn't worth it.
Hope I've helped and I hope it all comes out right for you
posted by Jennie (age 15) on 4/8/2008
If his "friends" are vandalizing your stuff then I'm going to say that they aren't really his friends, and if your boyfriend doesnt stick up for you when they do so, then you probably deserve better.
posted by Trevor (age 17) on 4/8/2008
you are to young to have to put up with that DRAMA. i say leave him. if he cant stand up for you then its not worth it. if they want to be childish then you need to be the bigger person! you are always going to have to put up with haters! and lil girls like that... never grow up!

i had to deal with that same problem... i left him.
and now im with a great guy, married and doing what i want without the DRAMA!

so take care hun

posted by jeanie (age 21) on 4/8/2008
hey my name is Norma and i have been through some thing simulir 2 what ur going through now.. i think that u should still date ur boyfriend and tell his friends to go and **** off and tell him how u feel and tell him that it hurts when his friends r a**es 2 u and ask him 2 tlk 2 his friends and ask them to stop and if they dont ur boyfriend has a didtion 2 make at that point eather u or his gay a** friends..... tell him that if he really loved u he would stick up for u no matter who it was agenist and tell him how u feel and dont hide the pain let it show and if he is a good boyfriend then he will make the right distion but if he is not then there are plenty of fish in the sea trust me i have been dateing this guy 4 1 year and 3 mounths and it is hard 2 find the right guy that would die for u but when u do hold on tight cause u never know what u had in tell u lost it...... hope every thing works out ~Norma~
posted by Norma (age 17) on 4/8/2008
Hello sara. well First if you love your boyfriend then i think he will understand if you let him know what's going on. It's pretty messed up that his friends do that to you. If your boyfriend knows about this then has he ever told them to stop? These friends of his obviously do not like you at all... maybe you can talk to them and see why. If it 's because of the time your boyfriend spends with you and not them, then they should understand that he loves you and he just needs to spend more time with you.. well i hope i helped you at least a little bit.. Good luck
posted by Kristin on 4/8/2008
Well it sounds to me like his friends have gotten you to the point of where they wanted you to be. They sound like complete psycho's and I honestly can't imagine that care about your boyfriend at all. You should approach your boyfriend and say everything that your feeling about the situation, and see how he reacts. Why would he want to hang out with people like that anyway? They sound like monsters. If your boyrfriend doesn't have your back then it's not worth it.
posted by Stephanie (age 21) on 4/8/2008
posted by ARIANNA (age 16) on 4/8/2008
You need to talk to him!!! If you really love him then he needs to handle this. That is a crazy situation and it needs to be resolved. You did the right thing calling the police on them. But now you need to get him to take care of it. But if he doesn't then you should really consider leaving him. He needs to decide between you or this childish guy. If he really loves you he will make all this CRAP stop.
posted by Stormy (age 19) on 4/8/2008
me and an x had been dateing for almost a year and his friends were like that i actually got a restraining order on the kids because it was getting so bad. i told him and he ended up dropping them as friends and we found out that the one was jailed for battery a few weeks latter
posted by amanda (age 18) on 4/8/2008
Alright you need to tell your boyfriend to straighten out his friend, because what hes doing is obviously compromising you relationship.
If that dosent work, then your boyfriend dosent need to talk to him anymore. Period. I realize I dont know you or all of your situiation, but if he truly loves you then he will do it.
posted by Michael (age 18) on 4/8/2008
Ok first of all... have you even talked to your boyfriend about this issue? It's understandable if you told your boyfriend this issue and he refuses to talk to his friends about it or if he even told his friends to chill out and leave you alone.. Sorry to say if you did tell him about this and he never once told his friends to chill out, I'm sorry hun but that just shows he doesn't care about your feelings and you need to let him go.. No matter how painful it will be.. LET HIM GO... You deserve to be with someone willing to make an effort to defend you and protect you from situations like this one. It's not going to be easy but trust me in the long run it'll be worth it.

Now if you haven't mentioned anything about this issue to your man then yes these problems are going to continue. I know you don't wanna feel like a snitch and blab this to your man about his friends.. and then make you feel like a nag or anything.. But if something like this is bothering you. How can you be happy with your man if you can't be open and honest with him in the first place? First comfront his friends that give you problems and just be straight forward with it.. "Why don't you like me?" "What did I do to you to cause you to be mean to be?" Trust me you put them on the spot they will give you an answer.. You don't say nothing sweetie and complain about it, they will keep on doing them hurtful things to you because they know it bothers you a lot and hurts you too.

My advice is talk to your boyfriend one last time about this issue. Tell him you love him to death and everything and that you don't want him to get rid of his friends but they are continuing hurting your feelings and your getting sick and tired of it.. Trust me if he cares about you alot... He will say something and let it be known that if they keep messing with you their friendship will be dead.
posted by Jamie (age 21) on 4/8/2008
hey girl,
ok so i understand u really like this guy but, you are only 16 years old and there are alot more guys in this world to have fun with or get deep with. yoiu know its really bad when you cannot even walk outside without the fear of somethin bad happening, a true boyfriend wouyld have done something about the vandalizms and set their attitudes straight, but what it sounds like to me is that u are just another girl he dated.
posted by felicia (age 18) on 4/8/2008
i once was in a relationships like your's i finaly told my boyfriend i dont want to lose you but i cant handel this anymore i wish you would talk to you friends and tell them to stop but on the other hand if he really cared about you he would be a real man and stand up to them and tell them to leve his girl alone i would not dump him becuse of his friends but have him try that if he does not then he does not deserve some one as good as you
posted by patricia (age 20) on 4/8/2008
In my opinion talking to your boyfriend about how you can no longer handle it with the guy that is left still harassing you and maybe he can come up with his own solution but sometimes you need to set boundaries or at the least knock some sence into him about his crappy friends
posted by Melissa (age 20) on 4/8/2008
Hey sara.. It sounds like you have alot to deal with..
I would have to say.. talk to him.. see if he can do something about them bothering you.. or talk to there parents.. if that doesnt work, I say just leave him.. you are still young! just explain to him your situation if he understands then you might have a chance with him in the future.. If he doesnt then Im sure you can find someone that cares and respects you by not letting there friends come between you two.. it really sounds like he doesnt care that his friends are acting the way they are to you.. cause if he did, he would talk to them... and make them stop..
posted by Tessie (age 21) on 4/8/2008
You got to tell him whats all going on cause thats ****ty that they wont leave you alone. You can tell them strait up back off hes not with you hes with me. Tell them to grow up and act their age, i'm sure their pissed cause their lives suck and you got somthing great in this world. And or you could get a restraning order on both of them.
posted by Matt (age 20) on 4/8/2008

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