relationship advice (post new situation)
 
 
"help me"
 
I met two guys that are cousins...they both like me but I only like one of them back. I try to tell him I just want to be friends with him but he still wants me, the "you know now" way. I just want to be friends and it's not good enough for him, he's always makin me feel like I should be feeling bad about my decision. And I'm so lonely it isn't funny, I just want some friends...is that too hard to ask for? Please help me someone...I really need help...I'm sinking too low on this one.
 
posted by Tiffany (age 18) on 3/29/2008 @9:37:39 PM •
 
Don't go out with either of them. Tell them they can be your friends or not. Final.
 
posted by The person you will never want to know (age 1007) on 4/9/2008
 
even though you're lonely, it might be a good idea to forget both cousins all together, that way no one's feelings get hurt and you can all be friends.
And the good thing about that is, maybe something more will come out of the friendship [with the one you like] and after a while the other kid will get over it. Explain to him exactly how you feel, not just that you only want to be friends, tell him how lonely you are and how much you would like to be friends.
Tell him that you don't wanna date him cause you dont really know him that well [sounds like a good reason, and i think it might be true]
let me know if that helped
:]
 
posted by Carrie (age 17) on 4/9/2008
 
Ok first of all...you should not worry about what he is saying. If friends aren't good enough for him then just completely cut him off. I know you want friends && you'd probably like it if he would remain your friend even if you don't want to "technically" be with him...but sometimes things don't work out that way. If you truly like the other guy and you'd really like to give it a shot and be with him then go for it. You always have to follow your heart even if its hard to see what it truly wants sometimes. You DO NOT need to feel bad about your decision its your love life and you HAVE EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to decide who you let it in or not. Don't beat around the bush and let the other guy down easily since he seems to not understand that way. He has to learn to accept the fact that he is not what you want.

DO NOT FEEL BAD AND DO NOT CHANGE YOUR OPINION B/C OF WHAT HE IS SAYING. IT IS YOUR RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN TO DECIDE WHO YOU ARE AND ARE NOT WITH. DON'T LET HIM INFLUENCE YOUR DECISION. BASE IT ON WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU B/C IF YOU MAKE A DECISION IN ORDER TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY ... IN THE END YOU WILL MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE.

I hope this helps :D
Keep your head up things may not always get better with time. No One said it would be easy they just promised it would be worth it.
 
posted by Kirstan on 4/9/2008
 
Lets see... if telling him doesn't work then I would try ignoring him and focus on the guy you do like. You'll have to deal with him getting jealous but somehow you'll have to push it into his head that you just dont want him the same way. It probably wont get better for a while so just hang in there.

As for the lonely part...spending time with family could lighten the pain. Telling them what you're going through so you dont bottle it up too much. Or telling the one cousin you like and ask him what you think you should do. That might build a basic ground for you two also.

All in all, i dont really see a perfect answer to solve this kind of drama. You'll just have to wait it out. ^^'
 
posted by kajo (age 18) on 4/9/2008
 
im really not for shure on the ordeal i would just sit down with him and explain be like ok i want to be friends with you for now and we will see where time takes us tell him you will come to him when you are ready for a relastionship with him tell him you just want to be friends and if he cant handel that then he only want one thing and hes not worth your time
 
posted by patricia (age 20) on 4/9/2008
 
Tell the other cousin that you like him and wanna see where it can go. Ask him to speak to his cousin and let him know that you dont like him. Or try bringing another friend aroudn the other cousin.
 
posted by Deanna (age 21) on 4/9/2008
 
First of all it would be a good idea to sit both of the boys down and draw some clear barriers. Explain to each what you want, and make it clear that making you feel bad about a decision is not going to keep your friendship. You need to be firm, clear, and make sure you put into the thought of what type of listeners they are. Give examples of how the relationship should play out and if it continues to be uncomfortable, allow them both to know the consequences if it becomes a hazard.
 
posted by Amber (age 20) on 4/9/2008
 
leave them 2 alone and find sum new new. obvisouly they both want u. listen family is goin 2 be on each others side till the end. and it might cause u problemes down the way just because they both like u and if u pick the one u like the other might lie on u and tell him that u have been ****in around on him. holla back and let me kno watz good
 
posted by clay (age 20) on 4/9/2008
 
just stop being nice about it..if hes treating you like **** just tell him how it is and dont worry about hurting his feelings and tell his cousin..the one you like...let him know how much of a douche the other guy is being and im sure it will stop
 
posted by timothy (age 19) on 4/9/2008
 
I'm assuming you mean like as in like like and not jst as in like you as a mate? Slightly confused but here is my advice anyway.. I think you should tell the one that you don't like to leave you alone and if he doesn't tell your auntie. Is there any reason why you don't like him as a friend? Try to way up the pro's and con's of both guys n try to develop your decision from there. I wish you the very best of luck :)
 
posted by Katie (age 19) on 4/9/2008
 
if the one u like likes u.. then y r u even second guessing yourself.. think about youself! ut dont be nasty to the other one.. but if hes makin u feel like that hes not workth being ur frined!
 
posted by kira (age 18) on 4/9/2008
 
it seems like you have this huge issue with that cousin of yours. The best advice i can give you is to tell the other one that you like that you would like to date or get to know him and of the out come is good tell the other guy the one you dont really like that your dating the other guy making it impossible for him to get with you. And making it state the fact that you have no interest in him and you just wnat to be friends.
 
posted by Sarah (age 20) on 4/9/2008
 
hi im sara, i had almost the same problem with my ex and his brother i really liked him andnot so much his brother. one always made me feel like my decisions were my choice and the other made me feel bad about the ones i made, i felt if it didnt please him then why bother being with him if im just going to be unhappy....i chose the other brother and told the other one if he didnt like my decision then maybe we dont need to be friends, and i also talked to his sister about my issue and she told me to follow my heart and tell the other guy sorry, tell him you dont want to be with him not because of him but because you have your eye on someone else.
 
posted by Sara (age 18) on 4/9/2008
 
if he makes you feel bad about the situation then he's not worth your time. i know that sounds kinda harsh, but i had to deal with a similar situation and i tried to make everyone happy but i was the one who was miserable. just tell him that if being friends isn't good enough for him then just dont bother.

trust me, you'll be happier in the long run
 
posted by jenn (age 18) on 4/9/2008
 
This Is The Biggest Problem Anyone Ever Runs Into...
Beleave Me This Happens alot... But Honestly You Need To Tell The One You Like That You Want Him And Then Tell The Other One That It Will Never Work... A Guys Job Is To Make A Women Feel Bad Enough To Get His Way.... And If He Trys Hard Enough Then You Will Fall In His Trap... Follow Your Heart And Do Your Best In Life... Good Luck
 
posted by Chris (age 19) on 4/9/2008
 
If he has not backed off after you have informed him that you only want to be friends and continues to insist on more then you must stop talking to him. He is only going to try his hardest to guilt trip you into something you know you don't want. If he takes the hint and appologizes I would still be slightly cautious until he has proven himself to be true to his appology and shows he only does want to be friends. You said there was another cousin that you did like and he likes you back, well if that is so you could always talk to him about what is going on between his cousin and yourself. It might not be the first time he has done something like this before. Just because you are lonely (which a lot of us are at some point in our lives) does not mean you should settle for abusive behavior. Stand up for yourself. I wish you luck.
 
posted by Holly (age 20) on 4/10/2008
 
All you can do is be honest and you already have. The fact that he doesn't want to accept it is his problem. One thing though I would feel things out before you go for the one you do like because that might create some friction in the family and you dont want to ruin that kind of bond. Let the guy you don't like know that you are interested in his cousin and that would really like to just be friends with him. It'll sting at first but if you're gentle he'll get over it.
 
posted by Jessica (age 19) on 4/10/2008
 
my advice thats its almost impossible to be friends with someone that wants more so if i were you i would stop trying to be his friend..he wouldnt be that great of a friend anyway if he doesnt respect how you feel! Theres a certain point where you'll have to stop being nice to him and even stop contact with him if u can if he doesnt stop making you feel bad...thats just what i would do. Good luck!
 
posted by Ashley (age 20) on 4/10/2008
 
Well just tell him how you feel. Don't let him make you feel bad about not liking him. If he can't accept the fact you don't like him like that then maybe you shouldn't even be friends with him. You'll have to be firm with him if he won't get the point. Maybe you should start looking for some more friends if this is how your "new" friends treat you. But if the other one that you like likes you back then I would say go for it and see how it turns out. If the other guy won't leave you alone ask the one you like if he'll speak to the other. But when you tell the one you don't like to leave you alone be very FIRM!!!
 
posted by Stormy (age 19) on 4/10/2008
 


 
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