relationship advice (post new situation)
"Does he really love me?"
So, I just came out of a two year relationship with the father of my 5 month old daughter (His name's Matthew). It was a rough relationship. Abusive, controlling, manipulative, the whole 9 yards. The day we broke up, I met this guy named Brandon. We didn't exchange many words, he kinda made a goof of himself, I later learned it was because he was nervous. But there was something about him..and I had to try my best to pursue it and let him know I was interested. I saw an oppurtunity, and I didn't wanna let it slip by. So we started talking, and hanging out. We discussed everything...taking it really slow, we talked about my daughter and waited until he was comfortable as well as me being comfortable to bring her around him. He loves her, and he's so good with her. He's a very intelligent person...with a lot of strong beliefs. He's very together and knows himself very well, and I really like that a lot about him. We made it clear that we were going to take things slow because not only did I just come out of a 2 year relationship, but he had just come out of a 4 year relationship. We clicked from the very beginning. There's also a verry verrrry strong sexual attraction between us. He's amazing. He's everything I always dreamt of. The guy who touches your face and looks into your eyes. The guy who holds your hand for no reason, when you're driving in the car. The guy who kisses your forehead just to make you feel special. The guy who carries you to bed when you can't walk because you're too drunk. He's just incredible. And he's soo easy to talk to. We've only been seeing eachother a little less than a month. He always told me that it's really hard for him to express his feelings, and it's hard for him to tell people he cares about him...but he says he cares about me a LOT...and the other night, he told me he loves me. Do you think he really is? Do you think he's playing a game with me? It's just soo hard to tell if he's real or not. Every time I meet a guy...he's never who I think he is. But for some reason, something feels soo right about this one...I don't know..what do you think? Do you think he's sincere?
posted by Michelle (age 18) on 3/31/2008 @11:41:12 PM •
I know you've had pretty ****ty past relationships in the past. You were never treated the way you should have been. You deserved the world and more and you never got that. You just got spit on and walked all over.

So now that you've met this wonderful guy, it must feel pretty weird huh? Amazing but weird? Kinda feels like he's too good to be true, right? Your wrong my dear. I think that you've been treated so terrible in past relationships, that when you finally get a great healthy one.... your scared that he might just be playing a game with you. You can't let that fear get in the way of this. If you do, it might ruin this great relationship you do have. Like you said it feels so right and if he loves you and if you feel the same way then girl say it back!! “Always tell people how you feel about them. If you tell them, it may break your heart, but by saying nothing you might break theirs.” You know? Don't let him think your not really into him. Because then he might start to wonder if your playing games too.

I truly think this guy is the real deal and you just need to live in the moment and enjoy it. Otherwise if you keep letting your past interfer with the present, then this guy might eventually get fed up of trying to win your heart and keep it. And I don't think you want to let something that special go. Im sure he wouldn't either, but if your past keeps getting in the way then he may feel like he doesn't have any other choice.

But honestly, he really does sound like a keeper. So don't make him think you don't care, show him you really do. He's the real deal. Believe him.

Not all guys are jerks.

posted by Chrissy (age 17) on 3/31/2008
I wont get into details but I have gone through some of the same processes as you explained above. I was in a 5 year long awful relationship that I settled in and accepted. It was a mess but I assumed that's just the way it is. I ended that relationship after going through hell and back and knew that I could do better. My ex moved away and I was able to start picking up the pieces and put my life back together. After only a month of being single I started seeing my current boyfriend. Things progressed very quickly and we connected in ways I never knew were possible. It was the whole deal, romantic dinners, holding hands, kisses for no reason, traveling, staying up all night just talking... He told me he loved me within only a couple of weeks and exactly one year later, he is still here still amazing and the best person that ever happened to me. I do think it is possible to fall in love when it is true romance and you feel happy. So it is a very good possibility that he means it and is being sincere. I wish you well and I hope everything works out for you :)
posted by Stephanie (age 21) on 4/1/2008

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