life advice (post new situation)
 
 
"Run away"
 
I'm completely lost in life. It seems like nothing is going right, and everytime I try, I get knocked down. Also I have a slight anger problem, once I get mad, everyone gets the burn of it. I want to stop being such an angry person but I can't. And me and mom constantly argueing and fighting doesnt help anything. It just makes me want to leave sooner. I've been thinking about running away just to get the freedom I deserve. She tries to hold me back from everything, and doesnt trust me. I hate it. If I have to stay here any longer, i'll go crazy.
 
posted by Runner (age 16) on 4/3/2008 @11:00:30 AM •
 
i swear ta god im in that same situation me nd my ma b constantly fighting nd i figured out dat running away isnt tha answer cuz tha cops will just catch u nd it will start more problems if i were u id just spend as much time as i could wit my friends cuz dey usually tha 1nz dat can get u happy
 
posted by dunno (age 15) on 4/3/2008
 
so. i totally know what you mean. it's a really tough situation to be in. i've interned for quite awhile with a 24 hour crisis hotline. i work with women who've been in the same kind of situation at a younger age. most of them talk about how much they regret not sticking it out at home and finishing highschool. i suggest you find someone older that you trust like a coach or a guidance counselor that you can vent to and bounce ideas off of. there are many other options other then running away. try speaking with your mother when you are calm and rational. and come up with a plan on what you want to talk about. whatever happens in the conversation. practice active listening skills such as aknowledging your mothers concerns about the situation even if you don't agree. also remain respectful and calm. she will be more willing to listen if you do.
 
posted by ali (age 18) on 4/3/2008
 
i know how you feel, me and my girlfriend are going through the same thang... but i wouldnt advise it... you would get into way to much trouble if you did
 
posted by sean (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
From the time I was 7 my parents have always been addicted to Ice. I always wanted them to try to hold me back from something, because they were never there mentally, even though I never really did anything bad... I love them for who they are now, but I still wish they were there to tell me I couldnt do something. Maybe you should try to talk to your mother and tell her how you feel. It may not seem like it'll work, but make agreements with her. Example: If you want to go out, Dont argue when she gives you a curfew. Try to be in close to that time, & next time she may let you stay out a little later.
 
posted by Monica (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
i ran away last year and life out here is really hard.....
 
posted by jonyv. (age 17) on 4/3/2008
 
Im taking it your just going through alot right now and i promise you and your moms relationship is just her worrying about you..and you as you say have an anger issue so her trying to help you is making you mad because you see it as her harassing you, attacking you in other words..when all she is doing is prolly just trying to help..so stop taking the defense and listen to what she has to say..i moved out when i was 16 and now that i am 19 i regret ever doing so cause i had to grow up pretty quick because you really have to otherwise your not going to survive and you definately dont want to run away because if you do then your leaving on bad terms, they are gonna think someone kidnapped you and a hole bunch of other drama could start and its just not worth all the drama so stop being a child and start acting like an adult. Take it from someone who has been there already.. If you ever need any other advice you can add me on myspace..cuz im sure you got it... myspace.com/a4357731933
 
posted by Jake (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
Runner, don't think about running away. You need to just relax and let life work itself out. You'll get your moment and you will shine bright but till then just relax and try to be possitive. Smile
 
posted by Kevin (age 18) on 4/3/2008
 
... running away isnt the answer belive me i no ive been exactly through that ur mom dosnt no shes pushing away she thinks shes protecting u because she dosnnt want any thing 2 happen 2 u becouse the more she cares the more she loves u... just try 2 work somthing out with her and see how that goes
 
posted by jessica (age 16) on 4/3/2008
 
well to tell u the truth i feel the same way sometimes but i would'nt runaway. i would either talk to her or i would ask if i could go live with a family memeber. if you are about to go crazy go over a friends house or go take a walk or sometihng get everything off your mind. just know you should'nt fight your mother becuz it's gonna come back to you.
 
posted by deja (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
Ive been where you are now. I still struggle with my anger but it does get easier with time.
Your 16, its a hard time for alot of people your age.
Im not saying that you'll wake up one day and it will all be over, but your family are the one thing you can rely on. I still find it hard not to take my anger out on my mum, but you need to learn to control it.
My advice to you is DONT runaway, otherwise later in life you'll think thats the answer to everything and you'll find it very hard to be happy.
And try explaining the way you feel to your mum, if you dont feel you can do that, find someone to talk to about it.
 
posted by Nat on 4/3/2008
 
Dont run!!! U will regret it. Where would u go? I know it probably seems hard now but it get better in the long run. I know how it feels, I left home when i was 15 years old and have not return since. my life went to **** for a few years until i was able to find a good job. but now i cant get into college because i need there information and i have no idea where they live anymore. i hope this im not saying this is gonna be u but this is just what happened to me. remember your mother has stuck with you for 16 years there has to be something about your mother that u can talk to her about just small talk is good enough just to start some kind of relationship. i hope everything goes well.

-all love
adam
 
posted by Adam (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
i'm sure i'm probly the last person you want advice from considering you don't even know me. but let me tell you a little story.....

my freshman year of highschool i had a boyfriend from angleton i'm from a little town called la grange in tx and there about 4 hours apart i was so crazy about him i told him i would spend a weekend with him in the summer but my parents thought everyone from there was so trashy the town has a terrible rep. so i told them i would be going to katy another surrounding city with a friend and her parents my boyfriends parents even called and pretended to be her parents i knew i was lying and i did it anyway. well i left on a friday and was supposed to be home by saturday afternoon well i started making exscuses to my parents why i couldn't come home and by tuesday they were livid angry i was so scared to come home and so scared to leave him i couldn't believe my parents were making me choose the love of my life or them well my parents finally tracked me down after i pulsed money from an atm they contacted ppl and actually tracked me down my mom cried for days and so did my dad. the worst part was i ended up finding out that my dad paid my boyfriends family 500 dollars and they turned me over to him and ratted me out....after learning that i realized family is all you have even if you constantly fight with them. don't leave its not worth it ...all it does it make everything so much worse and remember no matter how bad things get at the end of the day the sun will set and tomorrow is always around the corner.
 
posted by Sam (age 17) on 4/3/2008
 
You sound just like me at that age well even this age i guess. I can give you advice but you probally wont take it but here it is anyway. Life is hard and stressfull! Being a teenager is hard alone but you have to remember your mom loves you and it would break her heart to see you leave. What would you do if you wake up tomorrow and shes gone forever? thats how she would feel if you left. Just think about what you wanting to do and put yourself in her shoes. If you have to listen to loud music i suggest rock..and just tell yourself your right where your supposed to be. Shes been raising you for 16 years and let her have the other 2..because someday your going to be taking care of her...Tell her you love her..you'll regret it if you leave under these circumstances..
 
posted by Amanda (age 18) on 4/3/2008
 
Dont do it... I did it... I moved out with my boyfriend...then 2 weeks later he broke up with me...and then i had to prove to my parents that it was a mistake...they wouldnt let me back into the house...i lived on the streets for 2 weeks after he broke up with me...it was hard to survive..
 
posted by Amanda (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
Well that sounds like me at 15.. lol.. I was like that. I wanted and even tried to run away but it just made things worse. I still don't get along with my mom and she still doesn't trust me.. I dunno why.. But just tell her how you feel. I hope this will help.. if not then go to myspace and search for me as PunKaLiCouS.. I really want to help you with this..
 
posted by Lindsay (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
Hey.. same thing happened to me when I was 15. Me and mom never got along and she never trusted me. We are still like that. Try to talk out your problems with her.. if not her then a close friend. I know when I told my mom how I felt it helped alot. I do have a my space account.. same name as on here.. if u need help then message me on there.
 
posted by PunKaLiCouS (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
I know how it is sometimes when you just wanna get away. I ran away to California from Colorado when i was 16 though it wasn't family related, it was school related. It was a crazy experience but believe me, it doesn't give you the freedom you think it would. It's terrifying and you have no idea what's going to happen to you next. I learned that running away from my problems didn't solve anything, it just made them worse because not only do they follow you where you go but you also come across more problems. If it's absolutely necessary for you to get away, make sure you have someone you trust with you. I don't think I could've gotten through it without my best friend by my side with me. But i really suggest you think everything through completely before you make a decision. That's my two cents.
 
posted by Jilliann (age 18) on 4/3/2008
 
I know this is the last thing you want to hear but running away will only make things worse. I know what it's like to feel like everything is crashing down on you.By the time I was 16 I had already lost 5 close family members, one friend from school, and a baby. I know you think running away will give you freedom but it will only give you more serious problems like where are you going to stay and what are you going to eat and where to sleep. You may not get along with your mother but I can assure you that she provides what you need and arguments are not worth the endless negative possibilities that can result in you running away. You need to talk to someone just send me an email.
 
posted by Jessica (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
look no matter how crappy it is at home it isnt worth running away, i used to think running away was a good idea, my dad used to smack me or my sisters butt every time we walked by him, he would call us stupid and losers and idiots, we would have to change the channel for him, turn lights off and on for him, turn the fan on for him, put his socks and shoes on for him, do dishes no matter how many there were and who dirtied them, my sister was cooking dinners at the age of 6 and i started cooking dinners at like 10 or 11 because thats when my sister started going out and stuff, just its not worth it trust me, no matter how hard it is at home its better than living on the streets, cold, alone, not able to get food, no clean clothes, no shower...its not worth it, running away will just make ur life harder trust me
 
posted by angela (age 19) on 4/3/2008
 
Hey, I can't say I know exactly how your feeling because everyone has their own unique life experiences, but I really do relate to you on this. Your words are so similar to mine when I was living at home with my parents. I hated it, I resented them (still do sometimes even though I have been out for years), but I made things harder on myself than they should have been, because I left before I was prepared. My parents were horrible, my dad beat me, tore up my artwork, photographs, smashed my guitar, cds and emptied out my room for something as simple as not doing the dishes or being late to class in a nut shell. I was their personal house cleaner and nothing I ever did was good enough. As I had my reasons for wanting to leave, you have your reasons for wanting to run away and no one should tell you what you should and shouldn't do it because you have a choice, it is your life and you will be your best or your worst only because of you. Only you know what is good for you. Remember you can leave at anytime, but sometimes being patient and saving money, and getting all the important stuff out of the way is better. You might feel differently a year from now, you might not, but you should really think hard and weigh out your pros and cons. It sucks that you feel that way and I hope you get everything worked out. Good luck with.
 
posted by Stephanie (age 21) on 4/3/2008
 
Honestly sweetie, if you really can't handle it, trying to get advice from complete strangers isn't going to change your mind. All we can do is try to put things in a new light. I'm not going to do that, because I know what it's like to have anger problems and blow things out of proportion. If you decide to leave, then I would suggest at least going to a family members place. Or, find a friend who's parents wouldn't mind you staying with them for a while. And after that, if you find you still can't go home to your mum, then you have a decision to make. Shell out the money to get emancipated, find a job to pay bills and actually move out, or deal with the issues you and your mum have by going to counselling and discussing things. But honestly, you should first at least try going to a family members house or friends before you actually decide what you're going to do.
 
posted by Evolution (age 22) on 4/3/2008
 
I have been where you are. It was like my whole family was against me except my mom. I didn't have any friends and I was also depressed. I didn't want to tell my mom about it though because I knew then she would worry, but the rest of my familly made me feel like I wasn't even a part of them. I felt like they hated me. Especially my dad. The thing about it was you just have to get to the point that you realize that none of that matters. High School is exactly what it is. High School. It doesn't mean anything. You need your education and a diploma but all the people and the drama and everything else that goes along with it, don't give it another thought. And Your mom, don't worry about that either. I am sure she loves you because if she didn't she wouldn't fight with you and she would just tell you to get out and leave you alone. Trust me. All that stuff works itself out. And time flies. I have been out of high school 3 years now and all of it went by so fast that now I feel like I should be waking up any day now to start 8th or 9th grade! It feels like it hasn't even happened yet, it goes by so fast. So just chill. Don't get angry, and don't run away. Soon you will be out working and living your life and if you run away now, you'll never get to that. And hey, you've been strong for 16 years so far, I believe you have it in you to make it just a few more. And trust me. Things you think are important now, a few years time you'll be laughing about them. My life is better now than I ever imagined that it could EVER be and it is truly just because I stuck it out and stayed at home and finished high school. Cause after that your real life begins. 'Much love and good luck
 
posted by erica (age 21) on 4/3/2008
 
trust me i no how u are feeling and running away really wont help the fact that ur doubting it shows that u no its not really a good idea and beside that most teenagers argue with there mum and ddad u do get by it i hope it all goes well for u
 
posted by n (age 18) on 4/4/2008
 
same here wen i lived wit my parents i ran away nd not tha best thing tha cops found me at a motel my mom neva trusted me jst wait 1 or 2 years 2 move out at 17 wit parent concent and 18 legal chill wit sum friendz always passes time wen i got home ervy1 was already sleepin
 
posted by mariah (age 19) on 4/4/2008
 
Don't running away will not solve anything. i ran away when i was 16 so that i could be with my boyfrined and it didn't help. i still wasn't able to see him th i got with another guy and left him and am now back with the guy i ran away to be with and whwn i ran away i didn't get to see him that day. don't run away just try to stick it out till you are out of school and your of age trust me i know how you fell ok..
 
posted by Donna (age 19) on 4/4/2008
 
I had serious anger problems at your age when it came to dealing with my parents. I finally moved out shortly after I turned 18. I've been out for almost 3 years now. I have a good job and my boyfriend works 2 jobs (80 hours a week) and it still gets hard. Your family is your family. You can't pick them. Everyone has someone in their family they don't get along with. I still have a hard time with my mom. But honestly, I'd be lost without her in my life, no matter how much we agrue and yell at each other, she's always there for me. Things will get better, but you have to put that effort into it just like she does. Remember, you don't get an instruction manual with kids. It's all trial and error. Just like we don't get an instruction manual with parents.
 
posted by Megan (age 21) on 4/4/2008
 
Dont do it. My cousin did it when she was 16 and it ended up horrible... she was sleeping from friend to friend and then out in the park. Everyone was worried but only me, her sister and an aunt kept it a secret that we knew where she was...and i hated thinking she was out there all alone.

So yeah things do going horribly wrong sometimes, but running from it doesnt work. Sometimes that makes it worst. And if you run dont you think your mom wouldn't trust you at all after that?

Everyone goes through this and yeah it makes everyone go crazy. Best thing to do is just yell in a pillow and when you know your mom says something that you know you have to talk back to, just hold it in and ignore her. yeah she'll get mad but at least you can say your the better person in the fight.

^~^ plus, dont people say that when two people fight, that just means they love each other very much? lol maybe your mom is just being a mom >>' i know how annoying it is when you just want a friend there instead.
 
posted by kajo (age 18) on 4/4/2008
 
I know where you are coming from. Me and my step dad didn't get along sence the day that I met him. We fought all the time and I'm not talking about just verbal fights...they would get very physical! I thought about running away, but every time I did I would get cought and then the fights would be even worse. So then I started cutting myself to try to help the pain. And all of that was being young and stupid. One thing that you have to understand is that everyone has problems. And running away isn't going to slove them. I read that someone said that its not worth it cause you get the cops called n it causes more problems...thats not even it...What about the psyco's out there? Yea you say you can defend yourself...But you see all the time on the news about people from 1-30yrs old getting kidnapped and murdered. How do you know that couldn't happen to you? And not to mention you and your mom prolly fight alot...But what about the people out there that do care about you and want you around? They would be worried sick wondering if something happend to you. Just sit down and think about it.
 
posted by Lexy (age 19) on 4/5/2008
 
look i know what your going through it would be better if you did it when you turn 18 thats what i did i wanted to run away just like you did when i was 16 but i couldve gotten into soooo much trouble i lived in south dakota then we moved but before we moved i had a friend promise me that he would come and get me and he said he would i was 17 at the time and then we moved and i didnt think he was going to come and get me my 18th birthday came around oct 17 then on oct 20 he called and said im here so he found me at a football game with my parents i walked away where they couldent find me and he came and got me at the football game and they didnt know i left but it was legal now im back in south dakota and im happy just dont do it until your 18 so then you dont have sooo much things to worry about and getting caught is a bad thing when your underage just take my advice if you want to leave do it when your 18 so then you can make your own choices and have your FREEDOM!!! believe me u wont have to worry about so much when your 18 becuase then they dont have anything to say about it you can leave whenever you want then and you dont have to worry about cops or anything kk
just do what i have to say
 
posted by kelsey (age 18) on 4/5/2008
 
oh man. I know how that is, feeling controlled by your parents. a few years ago I ran away. and trust me, it isnt as liberating as youd think. your parents love you, and i know you dont want some stranger telling you what to do with your life. Im not trying to do that, its your life. but my suggestion would be to take everything your parents say witha grain of salt ya know. keep in mind they are genuinely trying to protect you. I hope everything works out. try not to kill your mom LOL kidding. but really.
 
posted by Lindsey (age 20) on 4/7/2008
 


 
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