relationship advice (post new situation)
"in love with a married man..."
about 2 1/2 months ago i started seein a guy that i met at work. ( i'm a dental asst. and he is one of my patients) he is married with 1 child, but he and his wife are always fighting and he's always telling me how unhappy he is and the only reason he is with her is b/c of their child. should i get over him and move on or wait on my married man to divorce this woman he is 'so unhappy' with?
posted by Jane (age 19) on 4/5/2008 @6:01:20 PM •
unless he makes a decision to move on with his life and get a divorce very soon i say move on... the longer you wait the more attatched you will be to him, making it harder on you. you dont want to wake up a year from now and be in the same situation your in right now.....if i were you id let him go and move on but thats just me.
posted by Shae on 4/6/2008
I have never been in that situation, but you should just walk away. Usually in that situation they always say they will leave their wife but they, most of the time, never do... Just trying to help... Good Luck...
posted by Stephanie (age 21) on 4/6/2008
I Think you should get rid of him. If he's so willing to go behind his Child's Mother's back, What makes you think he won't go behind yours? Even if he is "So Unhappy" With her, He has an Obligation to take care of her and that child. No Offense, But any woman with any self respect would know better than to meddle in the life of a married man.
posted by Amy (age 19) on 4/6/2008
I think that you should move on,because he cheated on his wife with you,so more than likely he will do the same to you when something else comes along.Plus if he wantd to be with you like that he would of already,your just someone to go to to get away from all his home issues like bills,nagging,diapers and all of that.I've been on both sides of this and its not pretty.
posted by Kelsie (age 19) on 4/6/2008
Well the first thing you should think about is if this guy is being honest. Some guys say this stuff just so that they can have someone else on the side. Also, I don't really think that you should be worrying about a married guy with a child. I mean your 19; you still have a long time to get in a serious relationship. If you do get with him then it will be a trying time during the whole divorce and everything else. So everything really depends on how you feel about this married man and if you really think that a relationship with a man that you just met almost 3 months ago is worth all of this trouble that you'll go through to be with him.
posted by Richard (age 18) on 4/6/2008
I think you should move on. If you think about maybe it's not his wife, and if he is telling you it is her you haven't heard her side. There are always two sides so think to yourself is there something he is not telling you, and the child do you really want it to resent you for breaking up their parents. Save yourself the drama.
posted by Zaya on 4/6/2008
Tbh Jane ur only young, if I was u I wud jst leave him now while its only a couple of months, b4 u start developing feelings 4 him. The thing is if he really is unhappy he would of left his wife, despite the child bcoz a unhappy relationship affects the child so its better for him 2 leave her for the childs sake also! You could call it off an say if you ever do leave her, give me a call... bcoz wen u rele, rele fall for him can u bare 2 lie ther at night knowing that he is in the same bed as another woman, hes doing all kinds with another woman, when I was with my boyfriend he went away for the weekend wif a group of mates, including girls he'd never met b4 an I didnt like the fact he was sharin a room with them, so could you live with that every single day? My advice is to leave him untill he does leave his wife... you never no he could jst b sayin that 2 make u feel sorry for him an 2 get closer 2 u for an affair an he rele doesnt ave intentions of leaving his wife, alot of men do it, so be careful!
posted by Hayley (age 18) on 4/6/2008
im young, but i do have knowledge about stuff like this. my dad... well hes on his 4th marriage right now. he worked with this lady and he was married to my mom and he started to date the lady he worked with. he got a divorce from my mom and walked out on the hole family for his girlfriend who he married. he wasnt happy with his new wife deb. so he started dating a patient of his and got a divorce from deb.. now hes married to his patient.... it ruined our family and i havent seen my dad in years. if i were u, move on.
posted by amy (age 18) on 4/6/2008
I Perosnally think you should get out of there while you can.

No offence but hes using you by the sounds of things also what your doing is not fai ron his wife although he feels its over or whatever she is most proberlly still in love with him.

and your taking that away from her

you should have left when you found out he was married
posted by Kai on 4/6/2008
hun, i know this is the cliche answer but move on. if he is willing to cheat on his wife, whom he obviously married for a reason at one point in time loved, then he could do the exact same thing to you too. they ALWAYS say they will leave their significant other, but they never do. Take a listen to the Sugarland song "Stay" it may shine a little light on the situation for ya.
posted by golda (age 21) on 4/6/2008
well, i think you should leave him alone for now and let him get his other realationship straight before he starts another one. if you are truly ment to be then it will happen later when you meet in the furure...
posted by marika (age 18) on 4/6/2008
i think you should get over him he aint gonna leave his wife i prmise you that
posted by jenie on 4/6/2008
If he hasn't left her yet, i doubt he's going to leave her any time soon...and besides, i'm sure that you wouldn't want to be in her shoes. He comes home knowing that he's coming from seeing another woman. In the end it is your choice whether to stay or to go, but think about the child and what if it was you in his wife's shoes? Wouldn't it hurt to find out that he was cheating on you with someone else and that he was saying the same things to someone else...that he's with you only because of the child. I wouldn't want to be seen as a homewrecker. Even if he would to leave her one day, what makes you think that he's not using you to simply get over his current wife and that once he's over her he's going to dump you too?
posted by Alexandra (age 20) on 4/6/2008
I think you should drop him. more than likely he is just telling you that he is unhappy to make himself feel better about cheating on his wife. i would just tell him that if he is really into you and truly unhappy then he should come see you after he is divorced.
posted by Kat (age 20) on 4/6/2008
Trust it from exprience hes not goin no wheres no matter what hes says espcially with a child involved hes not leavin his wife
posted by Crystal on 4/6/2008
my brother is kinda in the same situation.
but his wife is the one wit another person.
the only reason he's with her is also bc of their kids
they have 2 daughters--
he's only afraid that he'll never get to see them
that something won't let him--like her or courts.
stay with him for a little longer
try to talk//work it all out.
good luck
posted by Annie (age 16) on 4/6/2008
Never get involved with a married man. Period.
posted by Audrey (age 17) on 4/6/2008
Move on it would be diffrent is the divorce papers were in prosess but they aren't. And in a way it seems like you are a "rebond" person to him and that usually never works out. Even if he does divorce her and you waited on him to do so that connection of love between them will still be strong and it wont go away for a while.
posted by Mariah on 4/6/2008
Leave him! If he was going to leave her he'd do it... If he IS staying with this woman he fights with for the sake of their child, he needs to realize that it would be worse than a divorce would for the kid! Either way, looks like he has some growing up to do... Good luck! <3
posted by Torii-Lee on 4/6/2008
have you really thought about it? Here's the thing: one one side of the arguement, he is being honest with you. he's not in a good relationship and wants to be with you. Nothing wrong with that, but then the other side would be that he has no intention of leaving his wife and child and is quite comfortable having a mistress off on the side. Sad, but true also.
Then say he does leave his wife for you, would you be able to completely trust that he wouldn't do the same to you later on?
Don't get me wrong here, I am not judging you or your situation, I just hope you look at all angles before making the decision.
Good luck with it
posted by Denise (age 37) on 4/6/2008
i think that you should move on and forget about him cause he may say he is goin to leave his wife but he never will and he only told you that he is only wit her cause of the kid and bein unhappy is prolly all a lie i had a man that had a girl and a baby and he always was tellin me he was goin to leave her and he never did so just move on wit your life
posted by christina (age 18) on 4/6/2008
look, he's married. It doesn't matter if he is unhappy. If your relationship goes any farther than "dating" it will be adultry, he will probably not leave his wife. He hasn't yet, has he? And if he was that unhappy before he met you and then had to feel guilt, then he isn't going to leave her now. Now he can have a wife and a child and home PLUS a girlfriend on the side to make everything okay when the above is not ok. He will have his cake and will be eating yours too! Plus, HE IS MARRIED. Do you really want to be known for years as the woman who tried/did break up a family? Because even if it was him using you, it will still be pinned back on you. You do not need that kind of heart ache or a ruined reputation.
posted by Erica (age 21) on 4/6/2008
It's amazing how often this happens, and even more amazing how people go the complete wrong way about dealing with this sensitive situation.
Because there are more than just you and him involved, you can't just only consider your own feelings.
You must trust him ALOT to let him go home to the woman he wedded. You need to have a very in depth conversation with him, and he needs to be 100% honest.
Does he love you?
Is the marraige salvagable?
If not, does he really want to divorce?
Is he really so unhappy in his marraige?
Or is he just wanting to see other people.
Keep in mind, he has already previously made the decision to marry this woman. "Till death do us part" means quite literally. Even after divorce and seperation, ex-wives very rarely leave their ex-husbands lives completely. Especially when the husband is the father of their children.
Consider all of the above, as well as analyse your feelings on him. Is he worth it?
It's been 2 months. Is it just a fling, or something more?
Think deep.
posted by Sin (age 19) on 4/6/2008
Well, I have been married for two years. Married people aren't always happy. In fact being married and staying happy are always difficult. I'm guessing you have never been married or you would know that just because a couple is unhappy doesn't mean they are going to divorce. I complain about my husband and get frustrated about him- I even moved out once and said I wanted to divorce him.... but now we are buying another new house and moving back in together. My best advice to you is to leave married people alone. You will avoid a lot of heartache in the end if you do. Besides, what goes around comes around- and would you like to be the one whose Married and whose spouse is out cheating? I don't think so.

posted by Penny (age 19) on 4/7/2008

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