life advice (post new situation)
"lunch w/ the ex???"
my ex and i broke up about 2 months ago. after dating for 7 months and feeling like we may be in love, she cheated on me the day of our 7 month anniversary after we went to dinner, and i dumped her that next day. she called the cops on me that same day for a couple things i didnt do - lame i know. and now she is dating the guy she cheated on me with - who is a complete idiot i might add. we were pretty good friends before we started dating. went snowboarding/wakeboarding with some other friends, got drunk together at bars and parties, but never really hooked up until we were dating. strictly platonic stuff.

after we broke up, i tried pretty hard to keep that friendship basis we originally had. i was thinking we could still go out and party and have a good time without actually messing everything up between us again. maybe it was too soon to pursue such a thing. so i laid off for a while. that is, until about a week ago while i was on vacation, she called me asking to go to lunch with her and sit down and talk. i agreed and we planned on it after i came back from vacation. the next day, she called me again complaining and screaming my ear off that i was such a horrible boyfriend and it was pointless to even attempt any kind of friendship, even 'coffee-buddies', because she wanted nothing to do with me. that phone call got to the point where i told her to piss off and hung up on her, kinda an immature move, but she made me pretty upset by that point.

so things blow over, and im thinking that we're just going our own ways and probably not going to talk ever again (and i would have been fine with that), until she calls me last night. of course i dont answer, i had nothing i wanted to say to her. she leaves me a message apologizing for everything, saying that she 'was sick of listening to what other people were telling her to do' and she needed to make the decision on her own. basically, she was asking me to go to lunch with her again.

part of me feels that i shouldnt even be giving her the time of day, but the other part of me feels that she is a still somewhat of a good person and maybe we can be friends. she is moving to California in a couple months, which means maybe we wont ever keep in touch with each other, so maybe it really IS pointless to try a friendship. i just need some advice on what to do, whether i should say no, or if i should take the chance of seeing her again and possibly making things even worse between us, or better for that matter (who knows at this point). after all, we do have a lot of mutual friends and when we all go out, we cant really all go out together if u know what i mean. any help is much appreciated.
posted by Tyler on 4/8/2008 @6:00:33 PM •
It sounds to me that she is a little unsure of her feelings toward you and that she needs to figure out what they are before she can really decide on seeing you again. If she is moving to Cali and she was falling for you then maybe she is thinking that she may never have what she had with you with someone else. She may have cheated on you because she was unsure of her feelings then and since then she has been thinking about the "what ifs". I would go to lunch with her or at least talk to her. Find out what she is thinking or feeling. if nothing else at least part know that you tried one last time to connect even in a small way. Girls are just wired like that about their feelings. Good luck
posted by crystal (age 21) on 4/8/2008
Hmmm.. thats a little tough but I will say in my experince that say goodbye on good term is good. BUT I would say a phone call would be ok too she seems confused on what she wants and if you truley dont mind if you reamin friends then a clean break is good otherwise she will hold on to you. Also she seems to be childish and going to lunch is just another chance for her to make matters worse. The phone creates more control and space for you to maintain your composure.... Hope that helps if you need furhter help feel free to email me at ****
posted by Michelle (age 20) on 4/9/2008

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