family advice (post new situation)
"blended family =/"
I'm 19 years old, I have a 10 month old daughter. Her father was an abusive drunk. He controlled my life for two years. He beat me up when I was 9 months pregnant, two weeks before my due date. He went to jail for it..30 days. Missed the birth of his daughter, and when he came out, we tried to make it work. It didn't. The abuse didn't continue, but I knew if I stuck around too long, it would begin again. I met another guy, and instantly, the moment I met him, I knew I just had to have him. There was something about him. I broke up with my daughter's father and set out to find this guys number. I did...and we've been inseparable ever since. It's not all fairy tale lovey dovey, but in it's own way, it's perfect. Nothing could be better. He loves my daughter, she loves him. He's more of a father to her than her real father could ever be. He takes care of us with his one pay check, he cares for he like she's his own. It's wonderful. Everything was going great, we were gunna have another baby, and get married...then her father hit me with court. He wanted visitation, which he got. And it's screwing things up. It's making my fiance have doubts, he's worried he'll lose her, and that things wont be the same between us. And he doesn't want to talk about it. When I bring up her father, or the situation, he gets quiet and tells me he doesn't want to hear it. I don't have anyone else to talk to, and I'm afraid I'm going to end up losing him. He's too stubborn. He never wants anyone to know how he feels, he doesn't like to show weakness. That's a problem. He tries to let me in, but it's so hard for him. I don't know how to help. I tell him that I love him no matter what, and nothing that he feels, no matter how angry, or sad, it's not going to change the way I feel about him. I don't know, I'm just scared, and confused...
posted by michelle (age 19) on 8/26/2008 @8:32:10 AM •
you're right ... that is tough. you know, i give advice on this website a lot, and thankfully i usually have words for the people whose stories i hear. my one talent is that i am a great understander of life, and relationships, and feelings, and i do everything i can to try to help others. but your case leaves me wondering if my most common prescription - honest communication - will be able to fix your problem. you sound like you're being very communicative with him, but i think what you will have to do is fight as hard as you can to get to him, and get him to communicate with you. let your love for him empower you when its gets tough. plead with him, scream at hime, do whatever it takes to show him that he needs to talk to you about it if things are going to get better. how can you two address the difficulties in your life together if you're not working as a team? you need him, michelle. you love him, and you need him to be with you when things go badly. so you have to make him understand that. do everything you can. love him and fight him until he opens up. its the only thing you can do. and when you guys are working together, the situation with your daughter can be met with strength, and i hope everything turns out for the best.
posted by Joe (age 20) on 9/21/2008

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