relationship advice (post new situation)
"Friend in need"
I have a friend who is not working and not planning on it and constantly needs food, money, gas, etc.... I work but am in severe credit card debt. I feel guilty and always offer to do something for this person. My only solution is trying to avoid her because she costs me money everytime we talk.
posted by Lisa (age 42) on 12/3/2008 @9:20:59 AM •
Don't offer her money or anything else that keeps her from being responsible for her own needs. By giving her money and whatever else you give, you are just enabling her. You are baiscally telling her she doesn't need to get a job and support herself because you (and I'm assuming others) are there to do it for her. I know a few people like this, and I did feel bad for them for a while, but you need to take care of yourself, and let her see that she needs to do the same. Even if she get upset with you now, she'll thank you in the long run.
posted by jackie (age 20) on 12/27/2008
I've got the same problem, only it's my brother. I'm 19 years old and have a 1 year old. My brother is 23 with a 2 year old. He's in severe debt as well. Ever since I was younger and had a job babysitting, I was giving him money. Now he always needs money for diapers and food and gas, and all that stuff. And what sucks is there's always a sob story. He's my brother and I love him to death and I love my niece to death as well, and want to make sure they always have everything they need, but at the same time I've just recently come to realize after soo many years and after handing over thousands of dollars, that I need to take care of myself. It's not my fault he's in a situation where he can't provide for himself or his family, and because of helping him so much, and so many other people, I'm broke and can barely support my own family. There comes a point where you just have to say, "Look, I care about you, and I wish I could help you, but I just can't do it anymore. I can barely afford to support myself, I can't keep supporting you too." You shouldn't have to ignore her...if she's a real friend, she'll understand. And if not, then she's not worth keeping around because she's only taking advantage of you. I don't know what else to tell you.
posted by Michelle (age 19) on 12/30/2008

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