family advice (post new situation)
"Door mat?"
Ok, long story here. At the beginning of my freshman year, my younger brother got cancer. It was a rare case and he, my 2 year old bro, and my mom had to travel to Rochester, Minn. to get him treated, which is a good ten hours away. The summer just before sophmore year, he was able to come home, thought doctor appointments were an every other day thing. I had a two year old brother at home, and my mom was burning out with having everything on her plate, so I dropped out of school the beggining of my sophmore year to stay home and watch my youngest brother while my mom cared after my other brother. After he got better and was able to attend school again, i was suppose to go back to school, but then my mom started working, so i stayed home and watched my youngest brother still. Then after that, my older sister got pregnant and stopped working, saying that she could watch my brother. But instead of going back to school, my mom convinced me to start working, saying it was what the family needed right now. Toward the end of last summer, already 19, i got laid off, so i figured i could do courses online, but then my sister got pegnant again, only three month after she had her last baby. So i ended up putting it aside again to help her with her pregnancy problems and with her infant daughter. So that is where i am right now. I took a step back and thought this all over. I never hang out with friends, never go out without my family at all. I'm either watchin my younger siblings so that my mom can go out and "have a break" or so that my younger sister, who doesn't know the first thing about responsibility even though she is 18, can hang out with friends or her fiance, or i am over at my older sisters house helping her with her kids until her husband gets home. So i started dating a guy recently, and they all give me grief about it. My older sister make me feel bad when i want to spend time with him and not come and help her. My mom gives me grief about taking me to see him because she doesn't want me taking the family car incase she wants to go somewhere. And my younger sister goes on and on about how i don't talk to her any more, when all she talks about, and i am not exagerating, is her fiance. When i bring up my bf to any of them, they either scoff, or roll their eyes. And when i took a step back to look at all this, i realized that i was actually considering breaking up with my guy becuase of all the stuff they were pulling. Am i a door mat for my family? I really really like my bf and I'm not sure, but i don't think its right what they are doing. Right? I need some major advice on this one...
posted by Mel on 2/23/2009 @10:53:36 PM •
i see that this is an older post so i hope you check back and read this: i agree with you 100%. your family is being unfair to you. the thing about being helpful and reliable is that it's a double-edged sword: yes, you do your family a great service, and you help everyone out, but you also establish yourself as the go-to sister for favors. you have EVERY right to pursue your own life and your own dreams, and because you have done so much for them, they have no right to tell you otherwise. you need to put your foot down and tell them hey - i love you but i need to have my own life just like you all do.
posted by Joe (age 21) on 3/2/2009
You are making a terrible mistake. If you don't look out for yourself who will? Your family is being selfish. I suggest you apply for aid and go to school. Stand up to all of them. NOT one of them cares about you and asks you to disreguard your future. They are adults and are responsible for their own actions and choices. DO NOT let them make you feel guilty. They should feel guilty. Your entire future is riding on it!
posted by bc (age 60) on 3/15/2009

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